Its been three years since Gary died. Most days I think about him. Its hard not to as we were married for 32 years and until he was months into his diagnosis, we were happy. I also have many reminders in our home that trickle memories through my brain. Most of all, Facebook pops up "memories" from years past when I least expect them.
For example, today Facebook showed me a video of Gary pushing our grandson Alexander around the backyard in a child's toy. I heard his voice. Before he died he was speechless for almost a year. I hadn't heard his voice since around 2017. I had forgotten how soft it was. In the video he was pushing Xander and laughing. I got really pissed. I understand that he is gone. I am very happy with my new husband. But the anger came from the unfairness of the disease....dementia. It is a horrible stealer of lives. I wish I could take it away from people.
I used to only write blogs when I felt like I needed to get something off my chest. Today's blog was spurred by that video and a plea of someone on Facebook asking for advice for a family member with COVID and Alzheimer's. I can't imagine the pain of those two afflictions together. I felt the need to write something but frankly, I have no clarity around what I should write.
I have a friend who's Dad has Alzheimer's and a mom with a different horrible disease. I give her advice when I can. It helps her and it helps me.
A few days ago was the three year anniversary of Gary's trip to heaven. It was sad. I cried when I looked at the pictures of his last hours. I wish I had more videos of him when he was healthy to share with his grandchildren later. For example, Xander may not remember him after some time passes. It is sad.
The advice I would give to others is to video the heck out of the good times. People grieve in different ways and you may not get through the stages of grief like I did. I grieved Gary for four/five years before he was gone. You may not have that same scenario. You will want pictures, videos, smells, etc of your loved one. Do it now. Its not too late.
I remain available for those who need to work through a situation with Dementia. I hope it is a skill I will never need to use personally again. However, if I need to coach, assist or just listen I know that God blesses me everyday and I will do my best.
