Gary died three months ago today. For the most part, I don't have much emotion around it and didn't even realize until this afternoon that it is an "anniversary" of sorts.
Yesterday, Heather and I were driving near the Memory Care Unit where Gary lived for 1.5 years. I had a moment where it seemed odd that I would not turn into that street. I even articulated to Heather that it is still surreal that he is not there sitting in his chair. I gave it no more thought.
This morning, as I clicked through Facebook I saw a link to a blog entry from this time last year where he had spoken the phrase, "No, shrimp.", as a result of me ordering him taquitos from a choice of taquitos or shrimp. He did not speak very often then and we were shocked (even then) that he spoke. As I read that this morning I felt a profound sadness and wiped away a tear. Just one tear. I brushed it off as normal grief and went about my day.
This afternoon I was witnessing an interview with a student who mentioned abuse against a person with Dementia. It was completely unrelated to me but I instantly felt grief tears welling up in my eyes and I excused myself from the situation. This reaction is not one that I have had before and luckily the person doing the interviewing understood instantly what was happening. I walked into the hallway and spent a few minutes just breathing. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
I understand this is normal but I don't like not performing well in "normal" situations. Inhale, exhale. I am very pleased that I know my husband is tucked safely into heaven and that his pain is over.....but sometimes it sure is hard.
