Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Law of Attraction at works even when you don't want it to work!

It was starting to be a long week at work and on Tuesday night we went to bed early, around 9:00 to get some sleep.  We found a great nutritional that helps one get a deeper sleep.  It contains Valerian, Melatonin, etc.

About 10:30, our beagle Diva, decided she needed to go out so I arose, went down the stairs to the first floor, down the stairs to the dining room and hooked her leash and to pee we went.  After going back to bed, Gary started talking.  When Gary talks to me in the middle of our sleep, it sounds more like jabbering.  Nonsense.  I desperately tried to get him to quiet.  "Honey, I need to go to work and you need to go to daycare tomorrow...lets get some sleep."  "But, I'm not sleepy.  Are you sure Diva does not want to go out? Do you want me to let her out?" 

"No, Gary, you cannot just let her out in this house.  You need to put her on the leash and take her out.  I just took her." 

"Why don't you just let her out?"

"Our yard does not have a fence and there are coyotes in the neighborhood, so we have to take her when she goes.  But, I just did so go to sleep."

A few minutes later he started again.  "What time do we get up to get ready?  Should I take a shower now?  Where is the mouthwash?  Did you let Diva out yet?"

Finally, he quieted only to start about an hour later.  Same ritual.  Only, my agitation was growing and of course, Diva feels it, dislikes it and barks to go out (or to get away from us).  I arose, took her through the same process and brought her back to the bedroom. 

"Ada Mae?  Why don't you just prop open the door so you do not need to go with her?"  I again explained why.

"Were you going to take me to the CLUB tomorrow or do I stay with Heather? I really like the CLUB."

"I'm glad you like the CLUB but right now, we need to go to sleep and you just need to be quiet."

"Okay, I promise I will be quiet."

A few minutes later....."Ada Mae?  Don't YOU need to go to the bathroom?"  Well, I really didn't but he had angered me so that I thought I might as well get up so that my bladder would be empty in the event that he became exhausted and decided to quiet down for a long summer's nap.  As I got up and rounded the end of our bed, I swear the carpet covered plywood stairs at the end of our bed (for Diva to climb into our bed) moved six inches and blocked my foot.  HARD.  I hear a crunch and knew instantly that something was broken.  The pain started.  I needed ice but knew that Gary could never follow instructions to get to the kitchen, open the freezer not the refrigerator and find the ice pack.  

So, down the flight of steps I hobbled.  I retrieved the ice pack and went back up the stairs in a painful, pitiful way.  I was really angry now but instantly knew that this was my fault.

I have spent the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself about Gary having dementia.  About not going on a 30th anniversary trip.  About lots of things.  I believe that the Law of Attraction works in conjunction with God to bring us what we attract.  I was attracting negative.  I needed to get positive IN A HURRY.

After returning to bed and explaining to Gary what I had done at least 4 times, I iced my foot and fell asleep.

The following morning took me to the emergency room and sure enough, the fourth toe on my left foot was broken.  I will spend the next two to four weeks with tape and gauze on my foot.   

When the doctor told me that I could have no physical activity for two weeks, I looked at him in shock and confirmed that I would not be able to play soccer.  He validated that I need to not  play soccer.  Its a good thing, I really didn't want to learn anyway.

So, I hobbled to work and home.  We were able to go to bed early and I begged Gary to be quiet all night so I could recover. 

Around 1:30 in the morning, he was standing at the end of the bed tapping me on the leg.  I was in a near coma-peaceful-place.  "Do you need to pee?"  The truth was, I think, is that he needed to pee and couldn't find the bathroom.   I got up, went to the bathroom and as I was exiting (or trying to) the "poop chamber", he was standing there waiting to go to the potty himself, penis in hand and waiting.  I asked him nicely to move aside so he could get to the toilet.  He just stood there.  I couldn't move and he couldn't get to the toilet.  I asked again for him to move, nicely.  Then, with no movement, I pushed him slightly out of the way, aware that I need to protect the broken, taped toe while walking past him.  Due to being off kilter, I tripped and hit my good foot on the step stool next to the bathroom.  Dang sounded a lot like the night before when I had broken my toe.

"No, this is not happening....."  So, I went down and got ice again, let the dog out and decided to just lay there and experience the pain.

I have decided not to baby the second injury and after two days, the toes will at least touch the floor.  I am not going back to emergency unless it gets worse.

At work yesterday, as I walked down the hallway favoring both feet, I'm sure I looked like a wobbly two year old with a full, dirty diaper. 

Dementia has certainly brought lots of changes to our lives. I need to keep laughing and praying.  Laughs and prayers from our friends are certainly appreciated.  


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