I read an article today in the Sacramento Bee (part of a series) about a family having to put their Alzheimer's infected Mom into an assisted living facility.
First, understand that other than this one article, I think the Sacramento Bee is an example of poor journalistic showmanship.....and I have many examples to cite. There, that is out of my system.
Anyway, the article referenced the mother's decline over the years to include memory loss, paranoia, panic, confusion and how she had gotten to the point that a family member had to be with her always. It was a terrible toll on the family. It discussed the feelings of guilt the family had because the mother accused them of broken promises.
I feel many of the same feelings and we are nowhere near her advanced stage of the disease. Gary has some very good days. Then, there are the others.
Heather and her son were here for a week to assist because Gary's CLUB was closed. She is an angel with waaayyy more patience than me. They got along well and she settled several discussions between us. At one point, I was trying to explain to Gary (for at least the 100th time) why he could no longer drive. It got louder and louder. We were in his office on the second floor and I yelled down to the kitchen, "Heather come help me!" She did and eventually, he calmed and for that moment, accepted the fate whether he agreed or not.
The hard part of sharing these stories on the blog are the judgment I experience by all the people who "know better". On one hand, I know that many people do know more than I do and that is why I do share....perhaps I can help someone else. On the other hand, it makes me angry because I don't know it all. The control freak in me screams silently when I do not know how to navigate a situation.
I'm going through an extremely stressful time at my job. Most of it I don't share with Gary as it would just overwhelm him more. So, I try to find other sources to replace my once brilliant businessman who used to help me so much with minor and major issues. About two years ago, he told me that he could no longer help me with my work problems as he had taught me everything he knew. How sweet. I guess that statement was a precursor to a loss that was to come. How sad. At least I learned while I could.
We bought a turbo, super awesome massage chair at the State Fair. Its like a small sports car. Gary and I had spent at least an hour apiece in it every night. He loves it. This also explains the decline in blog posts. If you could have your entire body massaged or write a blog, which would you do?
Here, Gary is just trying the chair. When properly reclining, the arms are completely covered by massaging, pressure airbags, has zero gravity and blue tooth for music. Instead of going on a luxury vacation this year, we now have luxury every night.
Wow, what an experience. The best night yet for Gary was a hot anti-stress bath and THEN the massage chair.
I recommend this chair for everyone who has any stress in their life. In fact, Gary wants to call the company and become a salesperson for them.....
Note to self: Do not leave home without double checking that you have Gary's afternoon medicine.
Its been a fun-filled week of fire fighting, inquisitive students, employees and good energy. God has provided me with a tremendous energy this week. Two of my key employees are on vacation, so my assistant and I moved to the second floor to be available as needed and to "be in the middle" of all the excitement surrounding this time in our industry.
I cancelled my team management meeting this morning as Gary and I were scheduled to be at a friend's house at 8:30am to consider moving there. He is now retired and will be needing the house through October and then we can move in. The house is perfect for us. It is 1.2 miles from my school. THe whole situation appears to be heaven blessed. I took many pictures for my own planning for when we move and to show Gary as I knew he would not remember parts of the house, if not all of it. I was right. In the car, he said that he had not seen the third car garage after we had stood in it and had a conversation about the shelving and storage. The picture triggered a memory.
Right after we left the house, I took Gary to the CLUB. We got him there right on time. The arts and craft supplies were on the table and ready to go for all participants. The ladies at the check in table asked if I brought Gary's pills as they have a check in and monitoring system and I had not made the deposit. I instantly remembered that I had not packaged his afternoon pills this morning because I was busy removing a wrinkle from an article that was crammed way too far back in my closet. Oh poop! I went back to the car to get Gary some Sedalia to take at lunch. At least that might help with his stress in the afternoon. When I went back in to deposit the pills, Gary had gone to the restroom so I waited for him to exit before I left. We usually kiss goodbye.
I waited for what seemed like forever. He finally came out and sat at the table forgetting that I was there. I was mid conversation with the Room Lead, Barbara when he noticed me. He said, "Hey honey, we are going to color butterflies!" I asked for a pretty one, kissed him goodbye and left. I was so stressed when I got in my car that I sat there for a few minutes to decompress.
My morning was back to back exciting issues, events and updates. Some of the girls and I went to lunch and to pick up invitations from Kinkos. Everything fell behind and Jennifer ended up taking me to pick up Gary. As we pulled in, most of the participants were exiting the CLUB...all of them were using walkers. I always see them all sitting in a circle, not moving around. I was shocked at the difference between them and Gary. His disability has not impacted him physically other than his cognitive issues. It was depressing knowing that he is among them. It was exciting having a place for him to belong and never get frustrated.
He seemed fine when we got in the car. We drove across town to pick up an employee we had left at Kinkos. He knows both of them but I reintroduced him to both. We were in the car less than ten minutes and he started his noisemaking. Here it comes.....wait for it....quietly he said, "I'm so overwhelmed."
Why Gary? He responded that he didn't know. We hurried into the school as I was late for a meeting. I told him that I was leaving him in my office to read as I was working upstairs and had a lot of appointments. I armed him with a positive book and a cup of destressing tea. About two hours later, I asked Erica to go down to check on him. The next thing I knew, they were both in the office next door and he was reading to Erica. I went in and asked him to go to a private office where he could read and not disturb anyone. At that point, he was very antsy.
We headed home and by the time we hit the freeway he was over the top freakazoid. He huffed and he puffed. All the way home. It was 75 degrees outside and cooler in the car. He insisted he was cold, very cold. We drove about 25 miles with an 85 degree heater blowing. Note to self: "Pretend you are in Haiti and don't complain."
We immediately fixed him a tranquil bath upon arriving home. Extra lavender and epsom salts did the trick for about 20 minutes. I pumped all the destressing pills and hot tea into him hoping for a quick remedy. He didn't finish dinner. He sat with his head down while I worked out on the Gazelle that we have moved to the living room. When I finished, he took my place and then spent some time on the Total Gym.....all of a sudden, I noticed he was acting more normally and hasn't puffed or complained for almost fifteen minutes. It is 9:55pm and he just decided to go out and water our garden. Hey, if he feels like it, great! Oops, false alarm. Its too cold for him. Now, he is doing dishes.
I think the medicine kicked in.....he is normal now. I want to sleep now. Not sure how I do it. Hoping for strength and continued patience for him and for myself. I love my job and I have always enjoyed the adrenaline rush of it. This new adrenaline rush in my life is a whole new ballgame. Heather suggested Adrenal overload might be a part of her Dad's problem....well, could be mine, too. Naw.....just a thought. Note to self: "God is in control."
Gary seemed to be a little "off" all day. He just couldn't seem to focus correctly in Bible study. He has learned to "fake it" when he doesn't understand something. He will either make light of it, make a joke or just repeat what someone has said if they have asked a question. I could see right through it today....the problem is that I did not see if for what must be years.
After church, I went to the American Cancer Society Store to drop off some donations. He was so sleepy and out of it that he stayed in the car, in the heat, with the windows down and took a nap. After that I asked if he was hungry and he replied in the positive. I asked if he wanted a hamburger and he replied that he didn't care. (I will eventually learn not to fall for that one!). I drove to Five Guys and parked. He asked what we were doing there and said that he did not want to eat there. I asked what he wanted and he said, "can't we buy something at the store and go home?" Sure, honey.
I remembered that I had purchased barbequed ribs last week and they were still in the refrigerator that looks like Sanford and Son's junkyard. (For those youngins in the crowd, Google that one) In all the chaos of this appliance, I actually forgot I had baby back ribs. He nodded approval and after two stops, we headed home.
I put the ribs in the oven and set it for 45 minutes....just long enough for Gary to finish his nap. An hour and half later he awoke. I asked why he was so sleepy and he had no answers.
We ate lunch and did the dishes. He asked if I wanted to go to a movie. I knew Jersey Boys was opening this weekend and thought it would be light enough for him. Anything with a complicated plot is just too much for him anymore. We forgot to take a jacket for him to the movie and that soon proved to be a big mistake. Once he is cold, getting his attention span back is near impossible. I wrapped my sweater around him like a child and he stayed warm.
Halfway through the movie, he started making noises of overwhelm and displeasure. I asked what was wrong and he mumbled a response. A few minutes later he said, "Have you seen enough?" "No, we are not walking out of another movie. Please stay and let me watch the rest of the movie, okay?" He nodded and of course, I missed what Frankie Valli and his partner agreed to when they shook hands.....UGH!!!! I found out later.
He hung in there and by the musical finale he was signing along and tapping his feet. We stayed through all the credits just so he could listen to the music. So, here is my deduction: Music=good. Any plot what-so-ever: Not good. (Most TV shows have to be explained to him now and that takes alot of the joy out of the activity as he asks explanation questions in the middle of scenes.
We got home and we determined it was trash and recycle night. He got irritated when I would not let him put all three cans to the curb. After I told him for the umpteenth time (every week) that the waste people do not pick up recycle and green waste on the same week, he calmed down and announced he wanted something to eat.
Then after announcing how overwhelmed and tired he was, he decided now was the time to move the exercise equipment around and to bring the Total Gym from our exercise room on the second floor to the TV room on the first. Mission accomplished and he is now working out on the Gazelle. I have to admit it was a great idea due to the fact that the exercise room triggers my claustropobia and I haven't used it in a year and a half. Might actually use it now.
This week will probably be extremely heavy for both of us. There are some big events going on with the College and he is aware of them. Perhaps that is where some of his anxiety is coming from and causing his issues. So, I, again have to bear the weight on my shoulders. Perhaps I should read, "Atlas Shrugged" again. Glad I restocked my products today.
See you all soon with more adventures in the life of GRG and Merge (our nicknames).
This morning, Wednesday, I had an 8:00 meeting for my Chamber responsibilities at City Hall. I told Gary last night that we needed to leave promptly at 7:15 so I could be on-time for my meeting.
At 5:45, he was standing by the bed, in his robe, demanding that I read an email he had gotten about thyroid performance. He felt that maybe I am so tired because of the symptoms he was reading about in the email. I was furious. I was happy that he cares about me, but at 5:45 am, furious was a stronger emotion. I glanced at the email which contained a 26 minute video. After reminding him that I had an 8:00 meeting, he accepted that I would watch the video this evening.
We managed the 7:15 deadline for leaving home. "Where are we going so early?" "Honey, remember, we are going to city hall for my meeting and you can wait in the office and I will take you to CLUB at 9:30, when they open."
"Okay."
After a few minutes in the carpool lane....."Where are we going?" "Honey, remember, we are going to city hall for my meeting and you can wait in the office and I will take you to CLUB at 9:30, when they open."
"Okay."
After a highway change and several other conversations, Gary asked if we were going to the chiropractor and then to the CLUB. I told him that the chiropractor appointments are on Tuesday and that we were going....well, get the drift.
My intention was to take him through McDonalds for breakfast so he could eat while I was in my meeting, but traffic did not allow. (Glad I never mentioned that!) He chose to stay in the car and read his book instead of going to the Chamber office and having coffee. At 9:15, running late, I found him snuggled with a blanket (it was 75 degrees outside) and reading How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. We went to McDonalds, got food and he said, "NOW, can I go to the CLUB?" "Yes, dear." I dropped him off and he was rather excited to be there. It is thrilling that he likes the activities!
Then, at 4:00 he called to say that he was in the 100 degree heat waiting on the E-Van that was scheduled for 3:45. I told him they have a 30 minute window and that he needed to stay there. He was less than happy. Meanwhile, the driver called to say they were at the house and that Gary was nowhere to be found. They had reversed the pick up schedule! ARGH!!! I called E-van and reached a very distraught Amber who apologized profusely that she had mistaken the destination. Gary was promptly retrieved and made it home okay. What a fiasco.
NOTE TO SELF: always double check the pick up point and destination point IN ADDITION to getting a confirmation number.
Sedalia is my friend.....
