I colored in a coloring book today....for hours.

It has been a normal day.  We awoke early and I decided to fix breakfast.  After waffles and sausage, the coffee tasted good.

Gary took direction well while showering.  All with commands (one at a time), he showered, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, got dressed and got ready to go to the store.  We went to Target with little drama.  We shopped and came home.

I made a delightful chicken salad and we ate.  We took advantage of my new coloring books and colored for a while.  Then Gary took a nap while I watched the playoff game and colored some more.  I colored a lot.  It is good thinking time.  It is good to think.  I made no profound proclamations but feel good. 

A nap sounded good so I joined Gary for a while.  As I "napped" he talked or whispered incessantly.  I am able to tune him out most of the time. How sad that I have to do that but it is a way to stay sane.

He ate dinner and is sitting in the massage chair now.  He has settled in very nicely with the new caregiver.  She is very sweet and capable.  She still has patience. 

So, we will start another week.  Thank you, Lord.

Public Embarrasment

Sometimes I feel punished.  I know its a mindset but it is difficult to not get bitter.  Anger is certainly an emotion that enters my heart near daily.  Why do I have to change my patterns, errands and wishes because Gary has dementia?  If I chose to get a "sitter" all the time, or impose on Heather more, I could have more freedom.  He is not so far along that I feel that is right either.  So, I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of this already in-between comparison to Hades.


Last Sunday, I took Gary to church.  It is a loving group where we have worshipped before since moving to Anaheim.  Because of Gary's constant repetition of many words he hears and due to his verbal processing (often loudly) of most thoughts, I am always on edge waiting for what jewel he may drop on humanity next.  Sure enough, a few minutes into the Pastor's sermon, Gary stood up.  I pulled on his jacket to get him to sit as I knew whatever he was processing was paragraphs behind the poor man's sermon.  I managed to get him to sit down without too much noise or shuffle.  Then, he started reading aloud the bulletin which I gave him to hopefully keep him quiet.  I tried to quiet him with the ever-dependable "shhh".  He merely repeated the noise several times growing louder with my frustration.


I could tell the folks in front of us were a little un-nerved.  How to handle? When the Pastor asked for folks to stand up who were ready to commit their life to Christ,  Gary took the opportunity once again to stand.  Well, who am I to keep the man from re-giving his life to Jesus....even though he was probably hearing some other message.


The rest of the service was uncomfortable for me.  Of course, the anger started.  Is it lack of control that invokes the anger?  Is it embarrassment?  Yes.


Then today, he really needed a pedicure.  I can't effectively take care of his feet so I choose to have him professionally soaked, massaged and clipped every so often.  I haven't found the right person who completely understands his behavior, needs and quirks.  Today, we came close.  The lady doing his manicure (I just asked for a pedicure and he decided LOUDLY, that he too needed a manicure) was very sweet and spoke English in a tongue he could clearly understand.  She told him that we were treating him  special because his birthday was this month.  He treated the entire audience within the salon's hearing range with his signature "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" and "That's more better than good."


The other discomfort for me is not knowing how loud he will be or what he might say.  (for example, he told the woman she had nice breasts and asked if he could touch them). I apologized and told him his behavior was inappropriate and that he needed to stop and that certainly he could NOT touch her. She understood, laughed and said she understood.  I watched her body language for several minutes and she really did seem to accept his mental disorder.  There was a woman around my age who was there with her adult daughters.  She sat next to him and talked to him while my procedure was being finished.  She asked how long he had dementia and that she had a friend in my "situation".  All I could say was that I was sorry for her and that I wish the disease on no one.  I gave her the blog address for her to share.  Perhaps it will help someone else.  Perhaps it is a hell that they would better cope with if they don't know what is coming.  I'm not sure that I want to see the future. 


There seemed to be a sigh of relief when we left.  All employees were tipped very well.  I will have to consider whether I go back to the same salon or find a new one.  Do they want our business?


So, one should be able to see why I am beginning to think that I can't take him anywhere.  I guess I will have to start shelling out additional dollars for a sitter, even for routine errands.


I will have him from Wednesday afternoon until Monday of next week due to the Holiday.  Heather and Xander are escaping for the weekend. Escaping.  Yes, I said "escaping".  Bless them both.  They put up with so much.


Pray for us all.  Sometimes being a part of a family and having committed to a relationship is hard.  I will not let him down. 

Going swimming is off the activity list....

I'm angry.  But, I pretty much stay that way these days.  Its a long weekend as I have Monday off work.  So, I worked like a dog on Saturday to clean the house, unpack dozens of boxes in the garage and collapse after dinner.  I decided that today, Sunday, we would go to church, have lunch (yes, I ate food rather than Medifast food), take a nap, go swimming and have a nice quiet evening at home.


Church went fine.  We visited a church of the Nazarene in Yorba Linda and were welcomed like family.  Gary only spoke out of turn loudly once and that was to proclaim his love of the Lord so it was okay.  (He has been known to add comments to the Pastor's sermon).  We stopped and bought lunch.  After eating I suggested we take a nap and then go swimming.  Gary said that sounded like fun and I started looking forward to swimming around in warm water on a 90 degree day.


After napping, we arrived at the pool to find a young family and another couple deeply engrossed in conversation while playing in the pool.  I went in first and told Gary that it was chilly but ok after moving around.  I swam around about one minute and looked up to see him standing in the edge of the pool on the steps and asking the VERY pregnant woman next to him if there was one more step.  She said yes and he got in.  He quickly and loudly started complaining about how cold it was.  I got him to move around and submerge his body to get accustomed to the cold.  He followed me around the wall of the pool but acted as if he could not swim.  This man was a FISH in every water situation ever encountered.  I was shocked.  He complained loudly and profusely until I agreed, five minutes later to leave. 


He exited the pool at a fast pace and headed straight toward the gate.  I yelled, "Stop! Gary!" but he does not understand that word anymore.  I quickly walked around the pool to get our towels and belongings while he stood on the side of the pool in 90 degree weather, in the sun and shivered like a small child.  We bundled him and got back in the car and drove home.  Total time gone from home:  15 minutes.  I couldn't believe that one more thing has been omitted from our lives.  Something we so enjoyed before is not an activity I remotely try with him again.


I am angry.  I am 52 years old and finding more and more things that I am unable to enjoy.  No social life.  Our 30th anniversary is in three days.  No vacation.  Why even go out for dinner.  Why? 


So, I realized that I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself while Gary lies in the bed watching "I Love Lucy."  His life has been impacted just as much as mine but the difference is....he really doesn't know it or care.  That is the blessing in Dementia if there is one.  Some days he gets very frustrated but most of the time he just floats along and takes what he gets. 


I'm not sure what life will hold for me.  Happy Anniversary, Gary.

Yep, my husband has dementia.

On Saturday, Gary and I ran some errands, got our haircut and drove home through a mega storm.  He was a little foggy all day but in some ways more clear than he has been in a while.

There was no discussion regarding the date or day of the week.  While we were eating dinner, he asked if we were driving to Elk Grove to Cornerstone Church.  Not only did he know the day but the name and location of our church.  There were several other conversations throughout the night that had similar awareness clues. 

I have been experimenting with Medium Chain Triglycerides as a treatment.  I will keep you all posted on the progression of this treatment. It is based on Coconut Oil.
I could only attribute this improvement to this treatment.  It was clear but short-lived.

Today was a whole different story.  I knew upon saying "good morning" that his reaction was one of sluggishness and slow-moving actions toward getting ready for church. We made it to the 10:30 service and he was very distracted during the service even though he grasped the content.

It was raining "cats and dogs" as I slowly drove home.  Traffic and the storm made coming home very stressful. I explained several times that we had to pre-pack for our trip next weekend.  5 or 6 times, I reiterated that our granddaughter is getting married in Fresno and that we need to leave on Friday.  He asked a few questions but did not get the concept as I started to get out socks, ties, etc. He got very agitated and at one point said, "Excuse me, why are you in Ada's closet?" 

"I am Ada." 

"No, you're not.  How am I going to explain to Ada that you are packing clothes from her closet?" 

"I am Ada.  Who do you think I am?"

With a  slightly sheepish look, he responded, "You are my wife."  When I inquired about my name, he looked right at me and said the name of his third wife "AnnaMaria." 

I laughed as that was a new one.  Normally, he thinks I am Kurla (wife #2) or his daughter Heather.  I explained the order of the marriages and the time frame of divorces and our marriage of 29 years.  He looked at me as if I had horns.

He was lying on the bed and seemed very sleepy.  I suggested a nap.  He agreed and I stretched on the bed beside him. He reached over and hugged my nose which is a long standing touch of endearment that we have shared.  Since this was such a familiar touch, I asked if he knew who I was.  He said that I was Ada.  When asked of our relationship he said, "You are somebody from the past but I'm not sure." This week, Heather posted a picture of herself, her Mom (Kurla) and her daughter, Samantha.  I showed him and explained that at the wedding, he may really get confused because we will all be there....in one room.  He said that situation should be interesting.  I dropped the subject and we slept.

I awoke before him and started dinner.  He came to the kitchen and I could tell by his look and greeting that he was back to "normal".  Curiosity had me. "Honey, can you tell me my name and our relationship?"

"You are Ada Mae and you are my wife."  I finished the sentence with "the best wife of your life."  He smiled and said "Of course!"

As I reflected over the earlier scenario, I felt a twinge of sadness for the memories we have shared, as I know many of them are in his head but confused with other things.  At least I still have them and can recall them if he should have moments of wanting to know.

He sat tonight and wrote a note in a Valentine and gave it to me early.  The note makes sense and is full of love.  However, his once particular and perfect hand writing is starting to morph into a sloppier, larger form.  That is another sign....yep, my husband has dementia.

Recap of the Holiday Break.....whirlwind of activity!

Its been a while since I wrote.  My Dad was here for a few weeks.  Heather was here with the kids off and on and I had from 12-19 through 1-5 off work.


There was not a lot of time to write during those days despite the fact that fodder for content was plentiful.  So, in retrospect, here are the highlights:

• For the most part, during the entire time off, Gary had only one (count it), one episode of overwhelm.  Why?  Not sure other than I tried desperately to stay calm, answer his questions, fulfill his needs and have fun. 
• The first week back to work after the break was full of overwhelm.....go figure.
• We went to the zoo on the coldest day of the year.  After two hours of freezing, 5 of us (including a large car seat) crammed back into my SUV and came back home.
• Dad had to go to the emergency room for a bladder infection and stayed an extra three days.
• We had a horribly, ugly experience with Gary's new drum set on Christmas Day and following day. (if this were a drama show, that would have been an episode worthy of Oscar.) My Dad was a real trooper and helped me through the whole experience.  Had he not been here, I may have walked out of the house to not return for days!
• We had several great meals.  Gary helped with the major meals and was a big help if I asked him.
• I had one day where I REALLY needed a half hour to myself so I decided to go the store.  Quickly, I found the car full of my Dad, Gary and for the first time, my Grandson Xander asked to go the store with Grandma.  It all went pretty well.  I am still waiting on that half hour.
• Today, Gary and I went to see "The Wizard of OZ' at the IMAX theatre with some of my employees.  He sang many of the songs during the movie.  At the end, he clapped and talked about what a great movie it was.  When I pointed out parts of the movie I had not noticed on television, he replied with, "You've seen that movie before? "  I was surprised that he did not remember countless times we had seen it together.  I wonder how he thought he knew the words to the songs?

I will try to keep writing more frequently and regularly.  2015 should be very interesting.....

Voicemail messages...this is your husband

"Hey honey, this is your husband." 
"Hey honey."
"Hey there."
"Hey."

These are all greetings I have in my voicemail messages from Gary.  Hundreds of them.  All the beginnings are similar.  Of course, messages followed with contents like the following:

• Where are the keys to the BMW? (Gary's license was invalidated by the state when he was diagnosed with dementia and I have to hide the keys because he does not accept the decision and appeal.)
• Where are the plates?
• I can't find Diva's water bowl.
• The bus is late.
• If you don't tell where the BMW keys are, I will hot wire the car, do you understand?
• I can't find my wallet.
• The maids stole my wallet.
• Is my wallet in your car?
• I'm sitting in the massage chair and I can't turn on the television.
• Is there anything you need me to pick up at the store? (He can't drive, remember?)
• Is there enough room in the new house for us and the kids?
• Have I told you lately how much I love you.
• I can't find the green pepper plant.  Is it in the yard?
• I just left you a message to tell you I love you.
• I want you to take me to the DMV so I can take my driver's test.
• Can you tell me where to find Diva's poop bags?
• I need the credit card number....
• I have a customer service rep on the phone and I need the credit card....
• Diva and I walked a really long way, can you come get us?
• I applied for a medical job today.  Why won't you let me get a job? 

Everyday is the same.  Everyday is different.  No worse, no better.

I am starting to interview companions for him for when he is home on Thursday and Friday.  I haven't told him yet....not sure how I am going to present that idea. 

Here is the job description:  "....must have computer skills, be bonded, be able to walk two+ miles and keep a 65 year old, high-functioning dementia victim out of trouble..."

Sick, frustrated, tired and perturbed.

For those reading this blog who know me, you know how much I love my husband, Gary.  For those who don't know me or us....we have an immeasurable love that will have its marital anniversary of 29 years in September.  I love him unconditionally.  With that said....

I'm very sick of dementia.  I'm frustrated with not knowing what I am going to encounter everyday.  I'm tired of being tense when the phone rings wondering what is going on with my husband in any given moment.  I am perturbed everytime I hear certain phrases or answers to questions.  And, there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

Tonight I came home from work while Gary was still walking our dog, Diva.  We communicated via his Amber Alert device and I knew he was nearby on a walking trail and he seemed very happy.  He was on his way home so I told him I would start dinner.

A while later, I called him again and he said he was trying to get in the house.  Since I was standing on our front porch looking for him, I had to ask, "Where are you?"  Perhaps he was at the wrong house?  No, I could hear him responding to me from a few feet away.  I walked further out on the sidewalk and saw him at the neighbors front door.  He was one house away.

He came to our house and said that he wanted to go next door and explain what had happened.  I asked if anyone came to the door when he knocked and he said no.  Upon further questioning, he said that he was in the neighbors open garage and was trying to get in their screen door.  Speechless, I was.

With that information, I agreed to go next door.  The woman of the house was next door in the driveway and I explained what had happened.  I told her that he has dementia and was confused and meant no harm.  She stared at me as if to be a deer in approaching headlights.  Suddenly, I realized that I had lived here, next to them for 1.5 years and I didn't know if she even speaks English.  She clarified that she understood (Si, ella habla Ingles.) what had happened and said that everything was okay with their door.

(The blank stare was probably disbelief). We came home and then Gary worried for the next hour that he needed to go back and explain further.  I told him that he had done enough and he subsequently worked himself into a frenzy.  A relaxation bath is in progress.  The massage chair is not enough tonight.

Further, while fixing dinner, I walked to our kitchen sink and stepped in a soaking wet foot mat.  After moving all the crap out from under the sink, I found a puddle with no way of tracing its origin. It is now dry and I have run every possible water source to find the leak.  Nothing.  Needless to say, Gary cannot help as he has no capacity for thinking tonight. 

The irony is he was SO CLEAR when I talked to him earlier. 

So far, I cannot predict what triggers good or bad moments.  There is no magic or science.  For now, I am just numb. 

Disbelief
Anger
Frustration
Melancholy
Depression
Love
Thankfulness

All words that describe the emotions felt by a in-love caregiver on any given day.

Unnecessary Resistance

Sundays are special days that Gary and I share together, starting with praising our Lord.
This morning we slept a little later than normal after an exhaustive evening of trying to find my Galaxy 5 charger that Gary moved to plug in his electric shaver.  No problem as long as he leaves what he unplugs nearby.....I still don't know where he found it but he did.  We also cannot find the electrical cord for the new neck massager.  This house is not that big.

We ate spicy sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast and then headed out to church. THe music today was spectacular and Pastor Jerry was "on".  One of my favorite parts of the service was watching the family of four in front of us.  Two young teen girls and their mother were singing, holding each other, holding hands, hugging and happy.  THe one girl reached out for her dad to make sure he was included in the praise.  It was such a geniune, beautiful expression of their love for Christ.  I got pretty choked up.  To me, it was how we should all be everyday and probably how Jesus feels when we praise him.

The service taught me again about leaning on Jesus because he died for us.  He took away the chains if we just realize it.  So, of course, I started thinking about Gary and our relationship.  It is so filled with love.  At the same time, filled with a lot of pain, torment, confusion, frustration, disappointment, etc.  In reality....we choose to see it that way. 

I think of times when I get frustrated with Gary and yell or push him more than I should.  That is MY problem.  I am still healthy and should understand that he cannot help the things he does.  He can't remember, Ada. He loses things.....so what?

After church we headed to the mall for the first time in the seven years we have lived in Elk Grove.  I needed to buy two gifts for some friends.  Gary helped my navigate through the jewelry sections at Macy's and Norstrom until I found the right gifts.  He was a great help and has very nice taste.  I hope my friends like the gifts he so carefully chose.  Of course, he wanted to buy me something, but it was not my day for gifts.

We discussed our upcoming move quite a bit and he was helpful in planning rooms, etc.  He was "on" today.  Thanks, Lord.

We went out for lunch and then home for a nap.  No frustration today.  We sat out and enjoyed the sunset while we ate popcorn and fake beer for dinner.  (its nice to not have to be a role model for any children).

 

He is enjoying the massage chair while I write.  If I can just remember what I learned and realized today, maybe I am one step closer to better managing the situation.  Where I run into trouble is when I try to take control when in actuality, God is in control anyway.  I am just providing unnecessary resistance.  Right?

Turbo massage chair to the rescue!

I read an article today in the Sacramento Bee (part of a series) about a family having to put their Alzheimer's infected Mom into an assisted living facility. 


First, understand that other than this one article, I think the Sacramento Bee is an example of poor journalistic showmanship.....and I have many examples to cite.   There, that is out of my system.


Anyway, the article referenced the mother's decline over the years to include memory loss, paranoia, panic, confusion and how she had gotten to the point that a family member had to be with her always.  It was a terrible toll on the family.  It discussed the feelings of guilt the family had because the mother accused them of broken promises. 


I feel many of the same feelings and we are nowhere near her advanced stage of the disease.  Gary has some very good days.  Then, there are the others.


Heather and her son were here for a week to assist because Gary's CLUB was closed.  She is an angel with waaayyy more patience than me.  They got along well and she settled several discussions between us.  At one point, I was trying to explain to Gary (for at least the 100th time) why he could no longer drive.  It got louder and louder.  We were in his office on the second floor and I yelled down to the kitchen, "Heather come help me!"  She did and eventually, he calmed and for that moment, accepted the fate whether he agreed or not.


The hard part of sharing these stories on the blog are the judgment I experience by all the people who "know better".  On one hand, I know that many people do know more than I do and that is why I do share....perhaps I can help someone else.  On the other hand, it makes me angry because I don't know it all.  The control freak in me screams silently when I do not know how to navigate a situation.


I'm going through an extremely stressful time at my job.  Most of it I don't share with Gary as it would just overwhelm him more.  So, I try to find other sources to replace my once brilliant businessman who used to help me so much with minor and major issues.  About two years ago, he told me that he could no longer help me with my work problems as he had taught me everything he knew.  How sweet.  I guess that statement was a precursor to a loss that was to come. How sad.   At least I learned while I could.


We bought a turbo, super awesome massage chair at the State Fair.  Its like a small sports car.  Gary and I had spent at least an hour apiece in it every night.  He loves it.  This also explains the decline in blog posts.  If you could have your entire body massaged or write a blog, which would you do?



Here, Gary is just trying the chair.  When properly reclining, the arms are completely covered by massaging, pressure airbags, has zero gravity and blue tooth for music.  Instead of going on a luxury vacation this year, we now have luxury every night.


Wow, what an experience.  The best night yet for Gary was a hot anti-stress bath and THEN the massage chair. 


I recommend this chair for everyone who has any stress in their life.  In fact, Gary wants to call the company and become a salesperson for them.....

Note to self: "God is in control."

Note to self:  Do not leave home without double checking that you have Gary's afternoon medicine.

Its been a fun-filled week of fire fighting, inquisitive students, employees and good energy.  God has provided me with a tremendous energy this week.  Two of my key employees are on vacation, so my assistant and I moved to the second floor to be available as needed and to "be in the middle" of all the excitement surrounding this time in our industry.

I cancelled my team management meeting this morning as Gary and I were scheduled to be at a friend's house at 8:30am to consider moving there.  He is now retired and will be needing the house through October and then we can move in.  The house is perfect for us. It is 1.2 miles from my school.  THe whole situation appears to be heaven blessed. I took many pictures for my own planning for when we move and to show Gary as I knew he would not remember parts of the house, if not all of it. I was right.  In the car, he said that he had not seen the third car garage after we had stood in it and had a conversation about the shelving and storage.  The picture triggered a memory.

Right after we left the house, I took Gary to the CLUB.  We got him there right on time.  The arts and craft supplies were on the table and ready to go for all participants.  The ladies at the check in table asked if I brought Gary's pills as they have a check in and monitoring system and I had not made the deposit.  I instantly remembered that I had not packaged his afternoon pills this morning because I was busy removing a wrinkle from an article that was crammed way too far back in my closet.  Oh poop!  I went back to the car to get Gary some Sedalia to take at lunch.  At least that might help with his stress in the afternoon.  When I went back in to deposit the pills, Gary had gone to the restroom so I waited for him to exit before I left.  We usually kiss goodbye.

I waited for what seemed like forever.  He finally came out and sat at the table forgetting that I was there.  I was mid conversation with the Room Lead, Barbara when he noticed me.  He said, "Hey honey, we are going to color butterflies!"  I asked for a pretty one, kissed him goodbye and left.  I was so stressed when I got in my car that I sat there for a few minutes to decompress.

My morning was back to back exciting issues, events and updates.  Some of the girls and I went to lunch and to pick up invitations from Kinkos.  Everything fell behind and Jennifer ended up taking me to pick up Gary.  As we pulled in, most of the participants were exiting the CLUB...all of them were using walkers.  I always see them all sitting in a circle, not moving around.  I was shocked at the difference between them and Gary.  His disability has not impacted him physically other than his cognitive issues.  It was depressing knowing that he is among them.  It was exciting having a place for him to belong and never get frustrated. 

He seemed fine when we got in the car.  We drove across town to pick up an employee we had left at Kinkos.  He knows both of them but I reintroduced him to both.  We were in the car less than ten minutes and he started his noisemaking.  Here it comes.....wait for it....quietly he said, "I'm so overwhelmed."

Why Gary?  He responded that he didn't know.  We hurried into the school as I was late for a meeting.  I told him that I was leaving him in my office to read as I was working upstairs and had a lot of appointments.  I armed him with a positive book and a cup of destressing tea. About two hours later, I asked Erica to go down to check on him.  The next thing I knew, they were both in the office next door and he was reading to Erica.  I went in and asked him to go to a private office where he could read and not disturb anyone.  At that point, he was very antsy. 

We headed home and by the time we hit the freeway he was over the top freakazoid.  He huffed and he puffed.  All the way home. It was 75 degrees outside and cooler in the car.  He insisted he was cold, very cold.  We drove about 25 miles with an 85 degree heater blowing.  Note to self:  "Pretend you are in Haiti and don't complain."

We immediately fixed him a tranquil bath upon arriving home.  Extra lavender and epsom salts did the trick for about 20 minutes.  I pumped all the destressing pills and hot tea into him hoping for a quick remedy.  He didn't finish dinner.  He sat with his head down while I worked out on the Gazelle that we have moved to the living room.  When I finished, he took my place and then spent some time on the Total Gym.....all of a sudden, I noticed he was acting more normally and hasn't puffed or complained for almost fifteen minutes.  It is 9:55pm and he just decided to go out and water our garden.  Hey, if he feels like it, great!  Oops, false alarm.  Its too cold for him. Now, he is doing dishes.

I think the medicine kicked in.....he is normal now.  I want to sleep now.  Not sure how I do it.  Hoping for strength and continued patience for him and for myself.  I love my job and I have always enjoyed the adrenaline rush of it.  This new adrenaline rush in my life is a whole new ballgame.  Heather suggested Adrenal overload might be a part of her Dad's problem....well, could be mine, too. Naw.....just a thought.  Note to self: "God is in control."

Reno or Vegas? You decide.

All I wanted was to go somewhere warm, go swimming with Gary, perhaps get a massage and relax.  It was NOT too much to ask.  The weekend away turned out great. Whew!

I went in with a "I will not get frustrated" attitude. It worked most of the time.

We took Diva Gerl to a new boarding facility on Thursday morning on our way to Reno. We stopped for breakfast in Newcastle. A Hell's Angel sat in the booth behind us.  He seemed real nice as Gary turned around in his seat and said, "good morning, gentlemen."  A few minutes later, an older man walked up to the table and started witnessing and praying for the Hell's Angel.  He told him that God's angels are always stronger and can take him further.  His response was thankful and the old man left.  Oh, to have that courage.

We took our good time going up the mountain on Highway 80. Its always a little freaky going down the other side with only two lanes and a cement traffic median on one side and a sheer cliff on the other.  I like to have options and that leaves none.  We arrived at Hotel Siena and checked in.  After we arrived, we found it was a pet friendly hotel and we could have taken our Gerl.  Oh well, too late.

The room was horrifically cold.  Gary turned on the heater to warm up the room and of course, it blew cold.  After a few minutes, we called the front desk to ask for a fix or a new room.  While an engineer was on his way, I checked out the pool which was right down the hall. It was perfect.  A rooftop pool that was crystal clear and full of sun. 

I went back to the room to find an engineer announcing that the heater did work and that the room would heat quickly.  We changed and smothered ourselves in sunscreen.  After all, it was 90 degrees outside and I planned on staying a long time.  We did.

We laid in the sun, turned over, laid some more and then splashed and played.  I swam and swam and could feel the stress melting away.  I had worked myself up pretty good over the few days preceding the trip.  We felt a nice breeze as we exited the pool and actually ended up in the hot tub.  Then, a nap next to the pool was extremely needed.  We did it all again and again. 

Nice. 

We cleaned up and went downstairs for a spectacular dinner.  Way too much food but all exquisite. We walked through the casino and decided to walk outside.  We went down a pretty path by the river and ended up at the baseball park across from the hotel.  The game was not something Gary wanted to experience as he was starting to get tired and overwhelmed.  The short walk back to the hotel was stressful as he was walking very slowly and seemed out of it.  He was in bed by 8:30. I logged onto the computer and did some reading.  Around 9:00 he asked me to turn off the t.v. and computer as I was disturbing him.  So, we fell asleep.  I needed it so I was not upset....until about 1:00 a.m.


Remember the "problem heater"?  Well, it had warmed up and sounded like a freight train roaring through our room.  There was no choice but to turn it off. By morning, Gary was "freezing" while I was comfortable.  He complained alot so I got up, showered and called maintenance.  I did not want to be up at 7:30 while on vacation.  Let it go, Ada.

Maintenance determined that heater needed to be disassembled so we had to move rooms.  We do not pack lightly so repacking and moving was stressful on Gary.  He did not understand and had forgotten about the train in our room.  I re-explained several times.  Breakfast was next.  I couldn't wait for coffee. We went to the coffee shop and they had no soy nor almond milk, so since I don't like black coffee, I ordered a diet Pepsi.  We had a breakfast sandwich and went to the room to prepare for our massages.

Wow!  80 minutes later we were massaged and relaxed.  Wonderful.  

Next we had a nap.  Gary was doing well with all the scenery changes and activities.  We went to the automobile museum across the street and saw millions of dollars in classic automobiles.  I only lost Gary once but found him next to a copper Rolls Royce. 



Gary is very proud of his Grandpa hat and t-shirt.


Next, we visited a restaurant called "Men Wielding Fire" for barbecue.  Upon the first pick up of the barbecue sauce, it squirted all over Gary, the table and the window beside him.  I picked it up and dropped it under the table and about a 1/4 cup of sauce poured out on the floor.  The waitress did not seem to care and the amount of fat we pulled out of the sandwich was disgusting.

We headed back to the room and watched television until we fell asleep.  When we were close to asleep, Gary asked if we were in Las Vegas.  I explained we were in Reno and that I understood his confusion due to the casino in the lobby.
We heard fireworks and opened the window to a spectacular display that was closing the ballgame.

We argued over the fact that Reno was in Nevada not California.  After I had him convinced, he then argued that we were really in Las Vegas.  I gave up and fell asleep.

Next morning....Gary argued that we were renting the apartment we were in and we had been there for several weeks.  I explained the truth and started to really get aggravated....then, I let it go.

We packed up and headed toward South Lake Tahoe.  It was a beautiful drive and before we knew it, we made it back to Folsom to pick up the Gerl.  She was thrilled to see us.

I fixed a great salmon salad for dinner using the new olive oil and balsamic that we purchased at the Olive Oil store.  Gary chopped up his food and we ended up storing it rather than eating it.  He had lost his appetite and again, we went to bed early.

Church was fascinating as usual and then another nap was in order. 

Yep, I am rested.  Now, Gary goes back to the CLUB and me, back to work.

Stay relaxed, Ada.

Yard work makes all the difference!

We live in a house with an incredible backyard.  The previous owner spent tons of money on the following:

lemon tree
pomegranate tree
persimmon tree
fig tree
nectarine tree
olive tree
tulips
3 rose bushes, azaleas
grape arbor with two mature plants
artichoke plant
plentiful mint plants
and this time of year, extremely large flower beds full of weeds!!!

Gary has spent the last two days using a spade, shovel, rake and his hands to clear out only 1/4 of the flower bed.  There are NO weeds left.  He did a magnificant job refining the dirt and making it ready for planting.

Lately, when he does anything, he gets really tired.  I checked on him both days frequently and found that he was staying hydrated, taking his medication on time, eating when hungry and resting.  He not only got all that done but also blew all dirt out of the three car garage and did two loads of laundry.  AMAZING. 

Each night, I fixed dinner, calming teas and a RELAXING soaker bath.  He has been almost normal.  He has slept both nights.

Tomorrow we will plant the garden for the summer.  I look forward to spending the day with him. I hope I will not need incredible patience.....

Secret to the Relaxation bath.....

Its official....we now have business cards and hats to advertise this blog!

 

I think these pictures very well depict Gary when he is feeling good.  Most of the time, no one can tell he has dementia unless a long conversation ensues. 

 

He worried about so many things all night and then this morning, about 7:00, he calmed and went to sleep. I slept in the guest room most of the night but he awakened me at 5:00.  He woke up around 9:00 and took a hot "Ultramind Bath" ...which he also did less than twelve hours before that. (BTW:  the ultimate relaxing bath is a tub full of water as hot as you can stand, 2 cups of Epsom Salt, 1 cup of Baking Soda and twelve drops of lavender oil.  We also add a tablespoon of chamomile bubble bath. Soak for 20 minutes). While he soaked, I slept peacefully.

 

We missed church so we decided to make a late breakfast lunch and then watched the movie "The Bucket List".  I felt it was an appropriate movie after last night's post about our adventures.  I should not feel sorry for myself....we have had a tremendous life and we Still do!

 

We then went to the theatre and saw "God's not Dead!"  What a fabulous movie about one believer holding fast to his beliefs.  Everyone should see it but I won't be a spoiler here!!! 

 

We came home to an excited Diva and went for a quick walk to the park.  Gary got stressed again and came home and sat on the sofa, drank some downer tea and is now....guess where?  In the bath again.....hey, whatever it takes.  He didn't even eat dinner (crock pot black eyed peas with potatoes and smoked ham and a side of jalapeno cornbread). The bath sure relaxes him.  I'm watching television.  Its a good down time.

 

I'm off for two days and have some important things to take care of....paperwork mostly.  Also considering visiting a local retirement development that has some houses in resale. One never knows what I might accomplish in two days..... :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adventures have been a large part of our lives....we started at Stoney Creek resort in 1985 and have traveled, off and on since.

One thing about Gary is that he was, and still is a thrill seeker. For example, when we discovered that the world did not blow up or shut down after Y2K, he decided we needed to find a retirement destination. We did.  In Panama. We built a 4300 square foot house on the 9th fairway of a beautiful golf course, in a valley, that is just sitting and waiting on us.  Its nicer than the home we live in....Can't afford to quit my job and move there.

We have been there several times. Twice when buying the lot and building and once since it was finished. 

 

This is us around 2003 on the Los Quetzales trail which is near the house in Panama.  You can hike for hours and not see anyone.  However, every view has clouds and a glimpse or full view of the Volcano.  Beauty is everywhere.

While we were building once we did a tour of Panama City and the Panama Canal via helicopter.  We have a video somewhere....here is Gary outside the chopper.  It was a blast.

Gary and I always like hiking when we go to foreign lands....here is hike outside Boquete on the way to a beautiful waterfall.  It stormed that day and we ended up taking refuge in a bus stop (three cement walls) in the woods until the rain stopped.

Then, as always, Gary was ready for a new adventure.

 

This is a different adventure in the West Indies in the rain forest at St. Lucia.  We stayed there for seven days in two different resorts and in both places, we were the only guests.  It pays to travel off season.  This was a dreadfully humid hike but the photo opportunity was priceless.

Here we are all "cleaned up" after the hike.  The two Pitons in the background were not a hike we took that trip.  Never will. After those seven days, we took a Windjammer Pirate Cruise through the West Indies with a bunch of crazy people.

Here is Gary dressed as Captain Fluke. We lost the sailboat building contest.  We could not use any money and had to gather supplies to build the boat from things we found on an island.  Not too bad a boat for trash.



 

Oh yes, and then there was the 10 day packing trip in the high Sierras. 

We prepared for five months, hiking everyday.  This is our picture the day we left...l was carrying 75 pounds of gear.  It was a trip for a different blog.

 

So, why am I posting all this?  I can't imagine doing these adventures now as I would have to plan, execute and manage every detail.  Its different with two doing it.  Gary can't handle it anymore. I think our adventures like these are over.

 

 

Perhaps the future adventures will look more like these:

 

relaxing on a remote beach....

Sitting next to a tree in Monterrey California

Spending time with the kids...

These types of adventures are more do-able....that is ok with me. 

 

Gary had a very difficult afternoon....high anxiety.  Lots of downer teas and herbs and a hot bath seemed to have done the trick.  We are sitting in bed and he is still exhaling and releasing stress.  I can't stand it much more.  I need something for me. 











Smiles on his toes.....

The weekend was delightful...mostly. We arose Saturday morning to celebrate my birthday weekend.  Gary brought me coffee in bed, complete with "junk". (The first time we went to Panama we stayed at a bed and breakfast where the cook only spoke partial English and we spoke partial Spanish....I knew "cafe con leche" for coffee with milk but did not know how to say sugar...the cook knew how to put "junk" in coffee which was sugar and cream.  Every since, our coffee at home has junk.)

We got ready to leave for day, donned with Raincoats and umbrellas.  I got an email from my doctor that she wanted me to drop by Kaiser for some more blood tests as my Iron is low.  We were driving past Promenade Kaiser on the way to breakfast, so I decided to go to that one.  Of course, as we approached the parking lot, it was obviously empty as that location was closed.  I went to drive past and Gary got very upset as he thought the doctor had sent me an email for an appointment. We argued over whether or not the lab was open.  I pointed out that the parking lot was empty and there was no one there.  Since I was driving, I kept going and we went to Bert's Diner for breakfast.  After a great meal of Chicken and Waffles (new to the menu) we headed on to Folsom. 

The GPS took us through a gazillion puddles straight to Cloud's Porcelain.  Some ladies at the CLUB (Gary's daycare) had told him this was a good place to purchase a birthday gift for me.  We spent some time there and I picked out a vase, a sponge holder for the kitchen and a treat jar for Diva.  We spent the rest of the afternoon browsing through the shops in the Historic section of Folsom and ended at the Folsom Historic Museum.  We paid $4 each to visit the self-guided tour of the museum.  Of course, there was a section devoted to Folsom Prison.  The guide mentioned that there was a June and Johnny room in the back behind the prison bars if we needed it.  We quickly discovered the bathroom complete with Johnny Cash posters and music that plays when the door was opened. 

 

We decided to head back down the hill and got coffee at Starbucks and hot dogs at Costco.  When we went in, Gary said that he had to go to the bathroom so I told him I was going to jewelry and that he should meet me there when he finished.  After he walked off, I thought about it and realized that splitting up probably meant that he would get lost or distracted and that everything would take longer.  So, I stood still by the front door and waited on him to walk back from the restroom.  After about 15 minutes, he still wasn't back.  I heard him come up from behind me from the back of the store.  Somehow he had slipped through the cash registers and walked through the back of the store thinking I had gone to the seafood section (after all we went there for salmon, right?).

 

We did buy the salmon and went home for a nice meal using the new Lemon Olive oil and Peach Balsamic we had purchased at the Olive Oil tasting at one of the shops.  We went to bed early.

 

Around 4:45 am, I heard him being restless.  When you have been married for 28 years, one hears everything the other does.  Every sound is familiar.  So, loud exhales and frustrated "hhmpss" mean that I was not going to get any more sleep until I addressed his condition. So I asked what was wrong and the next hour was spent trying to explain to him why our house number is 10005 but our mailbox number (shared mailbox with whole community) is box #4 and not box #5. We are the fourth house and we are box 4.  It has been that way since we moved here.  In fact, yesterday afternoon, I took him out and showed him that our key did not fix box #5.  He said he had a conversation with the mailman and that he was convinced the mailman was putting our mail in the wrong box.  I explained that we get mail everyday, so even if the mailman was wrong, that we were still getting our mail. 

 

There is no logic to why the mailboxes are set up the way they are.  I didn't care.  He could not let it go.  This turned into a full scale argument with me leaving and sleeping in the guest room.  I released all the anger I could and was about to fall asleep (30 or so minutes later)when he came in the room still escalated to about a 9 over the mailboxes.  I was so aggravated!  I finally got him calm enough to leave me alone and go back to bed.  He woke me up at 9:00 and I don't know whether he slept or not.

 

We went to church and then out to lunch.  I took him to get pedicures.  He so loves sitting in the massage chairs. 

 

He ended up getting his nails painted like last year.  Tien is one of the owners who is the resident artist. (see pic) The ladies there so enjoy his visits as he is always smiling and happy and cracking jokes.  This Gary is the guy with whom I fell in love. He was clear, laughing and happy.  He does so much better when there is no pressure.  Gee, don't we all?

 

We came home, took a nap, took the dog for a walk and fixed dinner. 

 

Now, we get ready to go to work and the CLUB tomorrow.  I am always eager to see what the week will bring.  I will stop by Kaiser in the morning.