Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Confusion: Wife versus daughter

Gary and I had plans to attend the Rancho Cordova Christmas Tree Lighting event on Sunday evening.  Since we are so close, we decided to walk.  So, since it was chilly outside, we bundled up.  I made sure Gary had his phone and I carried mine....just in case. 

Right before we left Gary asked if he should call Ada and tell her to meet us at the park.   I told him that I am Ada.  He looked at me with a rather funny, inquisitive look and said, "I know you are Ada but I'm talking about my wife, Ada Mae."  I knew I was fighting a losing battle but attempted to explain who I was, repeating that we have been married 29 years and that we have never been separated.  I thought we were experiencing the confusion from last week when he thought I was his new wife.  No, he thought I am his daughter, Heather but named Ada for now....

As we walked the .7 mile to the park, Gary pulled out his cell phone and called my cell phone, so I answered.  He got angry that I was answering Ada's cell phone.  After multiple attempts to reach "her", I decided to let the phone go to voicemail.  He left her an extensive message telling her that we would meet her at the Christmas Tree lighting and that once we got there, he would call her back and tell her where to meet us.

At this point, I just accepted his confusion and tried not to feel anything.  During the mini-concert and throughout the event, he could not understand why Ada was not calling him.  I repeatedly explained that I was indeed Ada and I was not going to call him back since I was sitting next to him.  He wasn't getting it.

The tree was lit and the snow and whole event was wonderful.  We proceeded to walk home.  It was very cold and then I realized that he had left his gloves somewhere....another loss.  And those were his good gloves.  (Note to self:  don't buy anything expensive for him...its a waste of money)

We got home and fixed dinner.  The confusion went on for over an hour and he kept calling me Ada but thinking I was Heather (only named Ada).  I got fed up and went into the office to work on the computer.  He called on the cell and I answered.  He asked where I had been and why I had not come to the tree lighting.  (he was in the other room and could not see me).  I explained that I was in our office and he needed to come in and see me.  He did, saw me on the phone and realized who I was.  He went back into the den and announced that his daughter had left. 

I again tried to explain and ended up calling Heather.  She told him that she had been home all day and had not been here.  He sort of got it but spent the rest of the evening telling me about the tree lighting and what a good time they had.

The next morning, he was fine.  I told him that it hurt my feelings but that I understand that he cannot help it.  He hugged me, apologized and we took him to the CLUB.  He had a great day.

Santa visited the CLUB and Gary told him that he wanted a 40ft sailboat for Christmas.  As a good friend said, "After all, a 60 footer is just too much to handle."

Maybe I'm a little slow, but I am starting to realize that spending time trying to convince him of reality or trying to get him to act differently or have things make sense is just frustrating both of us.  I just need to let go and relax.  Yes, that is what I will practice....yes, that is a good solution for now.

Guess I better start shopping for the yacht.

No comments:

Post a Comment