Sunday, January 3, 2016

* Edited: There is no sobbing tonight. I am numb.

**This blog has been edited as the original was misleading.  I realized that in it, I hurt my daughter Heather's feelings in that it appears I was furious because they keep their door locked.  Quite the contrary.  I am in complete agreement that they keep their doors locked as Gary has been found sleeping in their beds and being there when he shouldn't be.  I was furious with the world and with Gary, not Heather and Xander.  In fact, had the door not been locked, he most likely would have peed in their room as opposed to the hallway.  So, I'm glad she let me know she was hurt....I had another good cry because of it. I love you, Heather.

Today started normally.  Gary and I got were awakened by Xander, our 4 year old grandson squealing about something he considered delightful.  I got up and went to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast since we can no longer go to church. 

My thoughts were on taking down the Christmas tree and doing some tax preparation. After I finished breakfast, I left Gary at the table while I went upstairs to go to the bathroom.  I was gone about five minutes.  As I walked out into our upstairs hallway, I witnessed Gary standing in the hallway next to a locked bathroom peeing. 

After inquisition, screaming and lots of anger, it was determined that he had to go badly and rather than ask where the bathroom was, he attempted to follow me.  Since Heather and Xander keep their doors locked, he stopped to try those (as he does frequently) before losing all hope.  I was furious.  Knowing that I had a problem, I moved him into the shower and began the clean up process.

I grabbed the carpet shampooer and started the clean up.  In the middle of sucking the now clean water out of the carpet, the shampooer stopped working.  It has been used since Diva was a puppy, so I guess it was to be expected.

I rushed Gary through a shower and did some quick research on a good buy on machines. Once dressed, we took off for Costco.  Gary seemed VERY unclear all day.  As we arrived at Costco, he was moving at a snails pace.  He said he was not in pain, but just moving s-l-o-w-l-y. 

To save time, I asked the door attendant where the carpet machines for sale are kept.  She directed me to the right aisle and amid hundreds of crazy shoppers, I found them.  They were on a shelf and very heavy.  At this point, I was very overwhelmed by Gary, the reality of the situation and the crowds.  I said to him 3 times, "Gary, please help me get this box down."  I guess on the third time I was very forceful and loud.  A couple standing nearby assessed the situation and by the look on the man's face, he knew Gary was not responding and jumped in to assist.  The man told me to stand back while he moved the box and his wife held the buggy still.  I started crying. 

My emotions zoomed from thankful to embarrassed to dependent to pissed off.  I thanked them for their help and they said, "Have a happy New Year!".  God's servants are everywhere.

I did all I could to not lose it in the store.  I choked back the tears.  There was so much traffic in the store and in the parking lot, that I made Gary walk behind me and hang on to my jacket so I would know he was there.  Once we reached the outer parking lot, I put the box in the car, took back the buggy and joined Gary in the car.  I sobbed.  He just sat there.  Finally, he looked at me and asked why I was so upset.  I told him all the reasons.....

We got home and I assembled the machine and shampooed the hallway and our bedroom.  Well, why I was at it, I also did part of the stairs.  The machine has some very cool attachments. Halfway down, I would have had to move to a downstairs electric outlet and realized I was tired.  I've been fighting a head cold and headache for days and determined that I was overdoing.  So, I put the new machine away.  I put the old machine least until I can put it out for garbage. 

Oh yes.  The Christmas tree also came down and was stored. 

After fixing Tamales for dinner, I sat down to write this blog.  Prior to that, I walked Gary to the bathroom and saw him in front of the toilet.  As per usual, I said, "Close the door, put up the toilet seat and then flush."  I closed the door behind him and walked away.  A few minutes later, he walked out and went to the coat rack to put on his jacket.

I asked where he was going and he replied, "Nowhere."  I asked why he was putting on a jacket and he replied, "Because I peed all over myself." 

I looked up and sure enough, despite standing in front of the toilet, he didn't make it.  What was he doing all that time?  He has no recollection.

So, we have finished the second shower of the day and the second urine related load of laundry.  The expletives were flying.

I knew I would know the right time to start using diapers.  They have been preventative until now.  Today, they are going to be part of life.

I don't know how long I can do this.  There is no sobbing tonight as I am numb.

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