Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Two Steps Forward and Twelve Steps Back

I often feel as if I take two steps forward and twelve steps back...

Its only Tuesday.  Up until today, Gary was having a better than normal week in that he only rolled down the window in the car twice, took his shoes off in the car once and had no accidents.  All weekend I was able to stay on top of him, stay home and watch him every minute.  We had no accidents.

Today, I came home later than normal after a visit to my own doctor and a trip to the salon for a new spring cut.  I have my own minor health concerns that are going to require a militant diet for awhile and some lifestyle changes.  I accepted all that before the salon and got a sassy "do".  It felt good coming home to a caregiver, Jessica, Heather, Gary and Xander.  They all liked my haircut and I was feeling pretty good despite the adversities that seem to mount daily.

Then, after I had a salad for dinner I started to fix my morning smoothie, open Amazon deliveries and do general stuff.  If you have not been around Gary lately, it is important to point out that while sitting in the massage chair (or anywhere else), he talks incessantly and calls out of whoever he thinks is in the room.  It gets very difficult to have so many "false" calls.  I find that it is much like the Boy Who Cried Wolf.....sometimes we just tune him out to attempt to stay sane.  That "silence" has its price.

I heard him talking while I was searching for the blender......and while I blended my smoothie, and while I was cutting open boxes.  I looked up and saw him in our massage chair, zipping his jeans.  Usually that means he needs to go to the bathroom.  As I approached him and asked if he needed to do, he said, "No."  That is because he had probably asked for assistance and I did not hear him.  He had taken out his penis and peed outside of the diaper and soaked his jeans, belt, shirt, socks.  I do not know how he got that much pee out of his body and all over everything....including the chair.

I took him upstairs to change him and put the clothes in the hamper.  Upon going into the master bath for the first time since arriving home, I told him to stand on the tile so I could undress him and not get pee on the bathroom rugs.  No need to worry about that as I realized he had already peed there earlier and soaked one of the rugs.....apparently he had awakened from his nap earlier and went toward the toilet.  So, its not that his kidneys are incontinent.....its his brain that doesn't kick in and get him to the toilet.

So, I reprimanded him and felt like a yelling jerk......he is not going to learn.

So, the industrial size washer is doing its job on clothing and rugs while I cleaned the chair and saturated a bed pad with "Urine Destroy".  Two steps forward......how many back?

Sometimes, I think that every time I get ahead or have a win or a moments' peace that the Universe says, "Oh no.  Not today."  My rational mind knows that is untrue but my emotional side wants to say "F(&^% you" to the Universe and run away.  I will not do that as the stubborn side of me thinks that I will win this war.......eventually.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Nice thoughts...