Tuesday, December 20, 2016

No One Said "Life is Fair...."

I received a text from my sister in law tonight telling me that her brother, Uncle Jimmy, died tonight.  I met the man twice, once when I was about 10 years old at my brother Mike's wedding. Then again, I met Jimmy at Mike's funeral two years ago.  Jimmy made such an impression on me.  I have never talked to him again.  He died of ALS today.  

I called my sister and law and had a great conversation about losing loved ones.  She reads this blog and knows my feelings about Gary and having him alive but separated from our marriage by the horrible disease of Fronto Temporal Degeneration.  I am conflicted.  She lost my brother to  heart failure.  There was no time to plan.  No time to see what life might be like without him.  It is unfair. 

I have the opposite.  I watch Gary die a little every day.  It is also unfair.  No one said "life is fair...." There is no solution for mortality. 

I received a call today on my cell phone. The caller of the Memory Care facility was calling to tell me that Gary has two problems.  His left hand is swollen again and he has a rash on his waist and face.  I contribute the rash to dry skin on his waist...it is a common dryness for him in winter.  The face?  NO clue.

After the hospice nurse, care manager and and wife examined the problem area....it was decided that he has sensitive skin and they need to only use the products I provided.  His skin can not handle fragrance.  We will default to only those products and if the problem continues....I will provide fragrance free laundry detergent. 

Gary seems oblivious to the problems.  His left hand is swollen again and he favors it.  I took it into my hand...he cannot straighten his hand...... I am thinking his brain is taking over his muscles....I don't know.  It is not fair.

As I sat there with him tonight, I saw one of the residents sitting at the table in her wheelchair.  It is hot pink and very stylish.  Someone had put on the brakes so when she tried to back up and move her chair with her feet....we had a problem.  She pushed back and the chair pulled backward and the two front wheels came up in the air.....in slow motion, I ran to her and tipped the chair back to four wheels instead of two.  Had I not stopped her, she would have fallen over backward and hit her head or injured her neck.  Whew.....God gives us angels when we need them.  This time, I was the angel.

I couldn't take anymore.  I left and thought about Jimmy's death, the death of my brother, the illness of my Dad and sister and the miracle of the Season.  I am so small in this world of miracles.

No one said "life is fair", but I am ready for the next step and what God has in store for us. 

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