Monday, May 12, 2014

Roller Coaster life reveals the Ups and Downs.

Life is quite a ride...with the ups and downs we experience daily, sometimes it feels more like a roller coaster.  Luckily, I have ridden a few in my life so I know what to expect when one slowly works upward, and upward....eventually, you come down the other side.

All last week, our daughter Heather and her 2.5 year old son spent the week with Gary while I went off to some business meetings (see her post from last week).  I really wanted to go and ultimately, had no choice.  We had a Presidents' meeting, a budget meeting and the retirement party for my very dear boss.  All were very eventful and two of them were quite stressful.  Sometimes I forget how stressful my job can be....anyway, Gary apparently did just fine the whole week with less stress and anxiety than when I am at home. That is disturbing.

I came home Thursday night and then back to work Friday.  It is nice having Heather around and Alexander is a blast.  He and Gary have bonded very well.  He is so cute when he has a question and looks to Gary and says, "Papa?"  Watching him have a grandson melts my heart.

We went to church on Saturday evening because Gary has said for many weeks that he was looking forward to praising with Heather.  So, we went and there was no daycare on Saturday so I stayed in the nursery with Xander and let Gary and Heather go to the service.  Xander and I could hear the music from the nursery so at one point, he was playing along with the music pounding on a xylophone and I drummed on the drums that looked alot like a firefighter's hat! 
He missed his mama about half way through, so I spent the rest of the service keeping him occupied.  I guess we bonded, too.

The pastor's wife checked on us and reported that Gary and Heather were singing together and praising....just like he envisioned!  I can imagine the smile on his face as he put his arm around his "girl".  Jesus must have liked it as well.

The following day found us taking the kids to the train in Stockton.  It was sad to see them go home.  We got to wave at them from the platform.

Gary and I had some tension in the evening. He returned to the CLUB this morning and was smiling at the crafts table when I left him. He had a great day and made it home using the Paratransit system and E-Van with no issues.  He took Diva for a way-too-long walk and of course, forgot to wear his GPS even though I reminded him.  I ended up driving to pick them up so that Diva did not get overtired.  I was pretty upset about lots of things that happened today, so this kind of put me over the edge. He noticed and said, "are you angry with me?"

I explained my stress of the day and he then understood.  He always apologizes and I always go soft......or really, I just bury the anger.  We spent some time outside watering the plants and then had leftovers.  He is tired at 9:00 and went to bed. 

I often wonder what our future will hold.  Will he stay as he is?  Will he further decline?  Should we travel?  Can he handle it?  There is so much more to do in life....I'm not sure of the approach. 

There is Panama.....our dream house awaits in a fabulous neighborhood.  Not sure how I would earn enough income but perhaps our quality of life would be better.  I could teach online.....I did earn that Masters Degree in Education so I could do that.  Wow, the risk.  Then again, how risky is any move?

On another note, five headhunters have called this week trying to boost their business with yet another placement.  How flattering that was in the old days but not anymore.  Gary will have difficulty with any other moves we make because he needs routine....and cabinet labels, lots of cabinet labels! Our entire kitchen and all his closets and drawers are labeled with their contents.  He still can't find things....

I ask all who read this to pray that he stays happy and that I am able to assist him in not being overwhelmed and have anxiety.  Those are the worst times of all because I can't fix it.  For a control freak, that is Hell. 

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