Sunday, October 23, 2016
Anticipation of the Reunion
I am writing this on the plane on my way home from Virginia where I have been visiting my ill father in the hospital. He is out of the Proverbial “woods” for now so I am now returning to my otherwise full life.
I am quite interested to think about what I might find when I return to my home. I will visit Gary tomorrow. Will he still know me? Will he know I’ve been gone? Will he be happy to see me? There are so many thoughts that pester my mind. Having a spouse with FTD (not the florist!) is certainly exhausting. Not as exhausting as having it, I’m sure. I honestly think that Gary has no cognitive thoughts that tell him he is severely disabled. Or worse, it he does, he cannot verbalize them.
When I look at him know, for the most part, I see a glazed look. Very little to no emotion. After 31 years of marriage, it is horrifying. I know that one day his brain will go completely away and will not return.
I had breakfast with some family while in Virginia and I was talking freely about his condition and our assistance from Hospice. One member who reads the blog frequently said to my dismay, “Why does Hospice help you?” Even though I feel I am very open about his condition and his diagnosis, somehow she had missed that he has a terminal disease and that he is going to die from it. It is such an ever-present thought in my daily world, that I am shocked that people don’t get it. I mean, I get that its not their reality…..but what do people really think about any form of Dementia. I am painfully aware that unless you have watched a loved one go through the decline that it is hard to fathom it……
Right now, I’m exhausted from a week of sitting in the hospital room and having varied sleep patterns. I have been a two planes for way too long today and have one more leg to go after a stop over in Las Vegas. I am tired……and I won’t really get rest tomorrow.
This coming week is very important in the life of our University. I have to be one my game. I will rest next weekend.
I will see Gary tomorrow. I can’t wait. I love him so.
I'll make it easy on you and just finish the story. I spent 18 hours getting home to Anaheim from Virginia to Atlanta to Las Vegas to LAX to home....it was exhausting.
This morning I awoke early and went to church. After, I went to visit Gary and he greeted me with a blank stare and a very welcoming kiss. Actually, three. He knew me.
One of the angels said that he had been asking about me. She said that several nights in a row that when they put him to bed, they stand him up and show him our pictures on the wall. They tell him I'm his wife and he repeats "My wife."
He also started getting tremors in his extremities again. The Hospice Doctor will come this week.
We spent several hours together and I was just too tired to stay. I had a lot to do so I left.