Sunsets and Sunrises of Life after Dementia

It has been 12 days since Gary died of the effects of Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD). 

Since then, I have been at Canyon Ranch in Arizona taking care of my medical, exercise and spiritual needs.  I am taking care of myself for the first time in years. It feels liberating.

I am in the desert in winter.  Two of the most magnificent things about this naturally placed resort are the sunsets and the sunrises.  Since they signify endings and beginnings of days, I felt it appropriate to take the advice of a dear friend and write about my experiences with both.

For the last few evenings, i glanced at the sunset.  It was always beautiful....however, last night I chose to study it from the magnificence of nature.  

It was a spectacular day.  Perfect in almost every way. I found a perch with an unobstructed view. As the light started to change, so did my mood.  The obvious fact here is that no matter how wonderful or desperate a day is, the sunset or darkness always comes. 

The sky was full of clouds as well as blue (starting to grey) splotches.  I sat quietly, helpless against the oncoming darkness but glad for the experience.  Holding on to a good day is like life....eventually you need to rest. 

The colors in the sky became magnificent as the sun played against the clouds. One of the spirit guides here pointed out that the sunsets and sunrises are not as spectacular without the clouds.  In this evening, she was correct.  

Red. Orange. Yellow. Crimson. Blue.  Green and brown. All colors were displayed beautifully on the canvas of the sky.  I contemplated how each color stands alone but meshed together portray the beauty of it all. Just like life.  People and experiences are the colors and life is the sky.  We can choose to focus on one and get stuck there or see the whole picture.

As the sun started to really dip behind the mountains, the sky became very still. All clouds stopped moving and the beauty froze.  It was as if the universe was saying "stop and appreciate what you have."  I did.  I expressed gratitude for my existence and for all my blessings.

As it grew dark, I felt a completion for my day.  It was good.  I looked forward to arising this morning and watching the sunrise from the same spot.

I slept, for the first time in ages, like a small child.  I awoke with exuberance for the coming day.  I made my way up the hill and found a great spot to sit and quieted my soul.  I closed my eyes and soaked in the cold.  As I opened my eyes, the sun was starting to dance on the clouds over the mountains to the right. 

I could hear the world saying "Good Morning, Ada!"  It felt as if God was painting the canvas of the sky.  I sat for a few minutes in complete solitude as I watched the sky change.

The color changes were amazing as he moved his hand back and forth and made the clouds appear as cotton balls.  It made me realize how fast things can change in life as well.  While we have intentionality and focus, we must not miss the cues given us by nature and life.

Then, in an opposite direction there appeared a small black cloud. 

I wondered if that cloud was symbolic of hard times in our lives.  While the sky around us is painted, the negative events are there as well. I pondered the black cloud in comparison to the disease that has so impactfully changed by life in the last five years.  Beauty was all around and I am glad that I could still see it despite the black cloud

Then, just like my life, in an instant, that cloud changed and had color.

While it was still a dark cloud, I could see if differently and for the beauty is possessed.  The colors now reflected were like living through a dark period and emerging stronger because of it.

As I sat there and absorbed the omnipotence of God, I realized that each day is a new day with new opportunities and how we view them make all the difference.

I then changed my body which changed my view.  Behind that mountain, the sunrise was again changing.  Just like our lives.

I sat there for another 1/2 hour and soaked in nature.  

Dementia can drastically change our lives.  I am choosing to now enjoy the sunsets and the sunrises.  Looking at the metaphor in these events will help me sustain the peace that I have found here.

I wish Dementia on no family.....but I do know that God is there through it all..... just like the cloud hiding behind the mountain in the last picture....