My phone rang today.....it was a call from Hospice. Normally, the caller says, "This is so and so from Hospice and this is not an emergency." Not today. The caller said she was the Chaplain from Hospice....and then she paused. I took a breath as I filtered through a wave of emotions. The brain is amazing in that it can go through so many emotions so quickly.
I thought:
"Oh no, not today." I felt dread.
"Finally....." I felt relief.
"I wonder how he died?" I felt curiosity.
But, she was not calling to give me bad news, rather to tell me that she prayed over Gary and that "in death and dying, it is important to know that they can still hear." So, she described whispering a prayer in his ear and that she had read him a Bible verse. I thanked her for praying for him. I also told her that this was the first Christmas in 32 years that we did not share our day. (In fact, I neglected to visit him on New Years.....I actually forgot it in my plans.)
We had a short chat about my grief and how I am dealing with it. Of course, I shared the address of this blog and I do hope she will pass it on to other families.
After the call, I realized that some emotions that I did not feel during those few quick seconds were grief, sadness, melancholy or regret. I felt neutral. I think I am ready for his death.
my husband, my beautiful husband died after a 10 year dual with FTD. We had been married 34 years.
ReplyDeleteMy or my husbands hospice team were and are amazing. I would often whisper in Jon's ear -you may not be able to talk, walk or feed yourself but you gave me a team of 9 people that treat you with such respect and honor and you gave me these 9 to talk to about you and other things. That team of 9 people were preparing me for the long, ugly death that was to come, wanting me to understand that it would be awful, and of course it was. Now after a 1 1/2 years from his death and our official bereavement connection is over, I still get emails, poems and texts from them and of course they respond in kind. They were a part of my (our) lives for 4 years so of course I grief for them. There services began at first in our home, then to adult day care and then to a nursing home with his death. I was not ready for his death even though I thought I was. Bless you in this journey you are on.