Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Ada, separate the emotion!!

It has been a while since I've written.  Mostly due to being incredibly busy and not knowing how to portray properly some of the events due to the detail required to make the story understandable.  It is exhausting....the events and the writing.

In the last week, I have have discovered one thing to be most important for my performance at work and personally.  I have to stay neutral and not get caught up in Gary's erratic emotions.  When I become affected by his emotions, mine get out of control and things go wrong.  The following events are examples of that.....while funny, they are precursors for larger "mess ups" if I don't get a handle on this inability to separate my two worlds emotionally.

Last Wednesday evening, I made the decision to not attend the monthly Chamber of Commerce meeting on Thursday due to my college's Orientation for new students was at the same time and much more important during this period of time in our company sale.  I have always gotten there by 10:00am to do my part, but extra support may be needed so I emailed the appropriate person at the Chamber and slept better.

The plan was to be at the college at 8:00 rather than at City Hall at 8:00 am.  If I played it correctly, I could arise at 6:00, get ready, hit heavy traffic and still be at work on time. Gary's CLUB is closed on Thursday so I did not need to involve that stop.

Gary awoke at 5:30 am and was again staring at me. "Good morning, dear."
"Hi, Garball.  Did you sleep well?" 

"Yes, but I really need to start planning the Yosemite trip.  Can you help me?"

Okay, up it is.  The conversation turned into a full-on argument that lasted until it was time for me to leave.  As I drove up Highway 5, I was trying to stop the intermittent crying and then looked in the mirror.  That was motivation enough....red, puffy eyes and all the make-up was either gone or down on my chin.  Need to plan this out. 

I can stop by CVS pharmacy next to the college and get some fix it makeup and then get quick breakfast and get there by 8:00.  There was an accident on the freeway that slowed things.  (I still have the crying heaves every few minutes.  Stop it Ada, you have to speak this morning.) Then, I realized I had something in my eye that without stopping, was not coming out.   I reached CVS and realized my suit jacket was incredibly snug and uncomfortable but I went in the store and realized I would just have to wear it anyway.   As I entered the door, the security alarm sounded.  I froze because I was trying to remember where the eye drops were in the store, not because of the alarm.  The clerk pointed me in the right direction after explaining the alarm was a system test.  I was so numb that I truly didn't think of it but the adrenaline still hit my system. 

As I walked through the store, there was an elderly, slow-moving man in the aisle ahead of me.  He collapsed over a large water display.  "Are you OK, sir?"
"Yes, sweetie, my back just goes out.  I'll be OK in a few minutes, just leave me here."  Is this day really happening?

Eye drops retrieved, along with eye shadow, mascara and eye liner. I went to the car, washed my eye and proceeded to drop the mascara down the front of my light pink blouse and the too-small-anyway jacket.  Really?  Do I drive 45 minutes back home? No, go buy something.  Off to Target which is the only store open at 8:15. 

The escapades in there were unbelievable.  After several tries, I found a blouse and sweater (way too casual) that did not need ironing and made my way to the cashier.  The fitting room lady freaked when I told her I wanted to wear my purchases.  People just don't do that....you must buy them first.  I reassured her that I was not stealing and convinced her to cut off the tags and walk with me to the register.  Dropping a blouse on the floor in electronics and retrieving it came before the money. 

OK, hey, there is a Starbucks in the front.  Maybe I should get some tea.  I was late for the 8:00 shift where no one was expecting me, so maybe the tea will calm me.

I stood in line.  Who has ever been to a Starbucks with one employee?  There was a man in front of me leaning on the counter. He fell asleep and almost fell.  We chuckled and proceeded to tell me that he had Crohn's disease and that his Mom had died from it.  I heard the family story that ended with "so, I don't know how long I will live, but I get my coffee everyday.  That is all I can enjoy."

Wow.  My heart went from pissed off, angry, upset and feeling sorry for myself to "God bless you."  He blessed me and I decided the day was mine to control and that I needed to control what I was attracting into my day. Thank you, LORD for sending angels.  There, fixed.

On to Orientation.  It was a smooth morning.  I checked in with Gary and shared the whole incident.  He laughed but did not remember the argument or why I was crying in the first place. 

Later in the afternoon, I tried to call Gary on three numbers and the GPS.  No answer.  Repeat.  Repeat.  The GPS software showed the GPS to be at home so if he went walking, he didn't take it. 

After two hours, I decided to drive home.  I had time before the next Orientation to go there and get back.  For forty five minutes home, I hoped he would answer but he didn't.  (I decided to plan not to get upset if he was home, just be happy.) When the garage door opened, he came out of the house and asked why I was home in the middle of the afternoon.  Upon exploration, I found his cell phone turned off, the GPS on the counter and the main home telephone moved to his office.  He could not hear the GPS from upstairs and the home phone he had moved was not plugged into the hard phone line.  It never would ring. 

I moved the phone back to where it belonged, kissed him goodbye and went back to work.  After getting home late, we both slept well.

Now Heather is here.  It is going well and she is a great relief for us. Gary got very stressed, tired and overwhelmed last night.  He had earplugs in while taking a bath so we ended up yelling at each other over whether or not I had told him I would bring him tea.  To make a long story longer, he got very angry and told me that he needed to divorce me and marry someone else.  I will spare you the details of the argument but by the time he went downstairs to let Diva out and came back, he was back to normal.  Meanwhile, I have emotional devastation. 

He awoke this morning apologizing for what he said and telling me how much he loves me.  He remembered! 

Like I said when I started this post, I need to separate my emotions from his.  That talent is hard after 28 years.  I still love him.

No comments:

Post a Comment