Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Blog title change: Go to Your Corners and Come out Loving!
On Sunday, I was talking with a very dear woman whose husband is in an Assisted Living Facility with Alzheimers. They have been married for eons of time (not sure how many years) and are now living apart. She knows of Gary's dementia and sees him on a weekly basis. She quietly asked me, "How quickly is he progressing?" I answered that I am not sure how to answer the question compared to others but that he has declined but he seems manageable.
Today, I dropped him off at his CLUB and watched him stand at the door while an attendant came to let him in the locked environment. We had a great breakfast immediately before with lots of very lucid conversation. When he saw the woman, he lit up and went into "hug" mode. She came out, hugged him and motioned to me in the car to see if I was ok. I gave a thumbs up and he went into the building without ever looking back at me or acknowledging my presence.
Months ago that would have devastated me, but today, not so much. As I drove away I considered the conversation from last Sunday. People who know others with dementia ask "how is Gary?" but i realized today the real question is: How quickly is Gary declining? Everyone except me seems to know that he will never get better. I have been holding out hope and continuing with treatments, supplements, gimics with a private hope that someday he will get better. He will not get better. I need to face that fact. (Miracles excluded)
So, with that acceptance, I am now looking at behaviors that I have been participating in toward the end of "recovery". What can I stop doing? What angers me that shouldn't?
One of the steps to grieving is acceptance. Okay, check that one off. I accept the fact that my husband has dementia. Perhaps I should rename this blog from "Go To Your Corners and Come out Fighting" to "Go To Your Corners and Come out Loving". I will change it.
Perhaps this can assist us both in being calmer, less frustrated by expectations and overall, much happier. For all you prayer warriors, I always request that you pray for God's will. If its His will that today's acceptance is correct, I pray for more Loving. There is nothing to fight about in this situation. We will not win the battle.