How can one be a "partial widow"? A dear friend recently used this label for me after I was expressing discontent with not having a normal, healthy husband of 31 years at my side. I was feeling sorry for myself and wondering what life holds for my future.
She has said this to me a couple of times and she is exactly right. I seem to live in this surreal life where I work an Executive Job, have fantastic job satisfaction and yet most nights, I stop by the Memory Care Unit where my husband lives and then I go home. My step daughter and grandson live with me but for the most part, we live separate lives. My husband is not there, physically or mentally. Thus the "partial widow" comment. I grieve for him almost everyday. At least I grieve for the man that was. His body is still there and visible when I visit but for the most part, he is a stranger.
It has been said many times, "Ada, I don't know how you do it." This expression comes from people who have never lived a life with a mentally disabled, terminal spouse. I just keep going everyday and try to find peace in the fact that I am a married woman with no normal marriage. I am a normal female who wants a partner that can meet me half way. I sometimes get bitter. I sometimes get angry. But for the most part, it is incredibly lonely in every way... and all that implies.
Perhaps some day I will have life #2. I, in no way, am anxious for the next step that will occur in this married life. So for now......I will just continue to take one step at a time and know that God is in control and has a plan. Please continue to pray for Gary to have no pain or discomfort.
I am so glad you know that God is control.
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