Monday, February 24, 2014

And the Pendulum swings....

What a contrast we have experienced from day to night. It is Monday and I awoke at 6:00am because I had to leave at 7:00 to be at work at 8:00.  I had predicated a stressful day since I knew I was performing a reduction of force that would effect 5 families.  (Those are the worst days I have experienced in my role over the years except for when an employee dies.)  

Gary arose at the same time.  While I was showering and getting ready, he made coffee, put bananas in the smoothies, steamed my pants for the day and was ready to kiss me goodbye.  I knew he was "on" today.  A good friend from church had volunteered to pick up Gary and take him to Kaiser for his TB test so he can go to adult day care. He was anticipating getting ready on time. I left his morning vitamins in the same place as always and set the timer to go off when he needed to take his afternoon pills. 

On my way out the door, I realized I had to go to the bathroom and probably would not make it for the hour drive.  I stopped by the toilet and Gary came looking for me to say goodbye.  He kissed me goodbye while I sat on the toilet because he too had to "go" and ran upstairs. Soon after, I yelled "goodbye" up the stairs and left.  A few minutes later, the phone rang and he said, "you left before I could say goodbye."  I said that he had kissed me goodbye.  He said, "where did I kiss you?"  I answered, "you kissed me on the toilet."  (I thought that was funny).  He laughed and said, "well, I guess that proves I love you!"  It certainly does, honey.

He proceeded to tell me that he hopes, despite all that I had to do, that I could make it a wonderful day (he remembered the layoff and the details I had shared) and then told me that I am a wonderful wife and how much he loves me.  (Wow, I am a lucky woman.  Thanks, God!) We hung up.

About five minutes later, he called to ask me something about the contents of the smoothie and ended by telling me that he hopes, despite all that I had to do, that I could make it a wonderful day (he remembered the layoff and the details I had shared) and then told me that I am a wonderful wife and how much he loves me. 

I thanked him and hung up.  A few minutes later I thought, "he's going to call again.....wait for it...."    Ring...sure enough...same conversation as before.  I enjoy when my husband is so sweet and tells me how wonderful a wife I am but it seems weird that I hear it so much :) He repeated the conversation two more times.

So I continued on to work and executed my very stressful day. If you have never done a reduction of force, don't bother trying to imagine.

I left work around 6:15 and Gary called to say, "Can I take you to dinner?"  Again, he still seemed clear.  I told him that I was feeling very overwhelmed and stressed and that I would rather stay home and have leftovers.  He put chicken in the oven while I was driving home and talking to him.  When we got to the part of cutting cucumbers and kale, he hit a wall.  By the time I got home, he was totally overwhelmed and feeling extremely anxious. I realized he had not taken his morning medication until afternoon and the afternoon pills were still in the container.  Bingo, the alarm is not working.  I have to stand and watch him take the pills from now on. 

Our way of dealing with this overwhelm is to give him extra stress relief medicine and to have large quantities of various herbal calmer-downer-teas. While the teas are starting to work, it is very stressful for us.  He says every few seconds, "I am SOOOO OVERWHELMED."  So, yes, this creates the same in me.

After the tea kicks in, then we can have a productive conversation. I asked him how the trip to Kaiser went.  He did not know when his follow up appointment was, so I asked if Lon had gone into the appointment with him.  He said no and that it was not Lon who picked him up.  I knew that it was Lon as he was the only person who knew about the appointment and our plans for him to take Gary.   Gary got very upset when I told him that it HAD to be Lon.  He said, "I know Lon, we go to Bible study together. I'm telling you it was not him." 

Knowing that logic was not going to do the trick, I pinged Lon on FB and confirmed that he in fact had picked up Gary and brought him back home.  He also said that Gary gave him a small box of Valentine candy.  Gary sat and watched the whole chat session and was blown away that Lon confirmed that he had been the one to transport him to Kaiser and home.  An hour later, he is still mesmerized that he did not remember Lon's face. He asked if someday he might not remember me and I said that its a possibility. 

I'm very tired, emotionally and physically.  He is too, so we will go to bed soon.  All I can do is let him know that I love him and that even if he ever does not remember me that I will still love him and protect him.  He may not know me but I know him.

Goodnight, Gary. 

1 comment:

  1. This is the real meaning of love. Those who have tasted pain, details, wonders and uncertainty have really lived. You are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing.