Sunday, April 27, 2014

Repetitive conversations can be very irritating!

Gary needs two pairs of glasses; one for reading and close up and a different pair for distance vision.  At one time, he had three pairs; one close up, one far away and prescription, far away sunglasses.  He lost the far away glasses several months ago and like everything else we have misplaced or lost, my view is to wait and they will turn up. Meanwhile, he has been using a neck band glass holder to hang the sunglasses around his neck when he is not using them.  (Yes, it is time to break down and order a new pair).

The glasses-holder he has been using is tan fabric and came from our old sailing club OCSC.  We noticed a few days ago that it is getting tattered and Gary decided he wants a new one. I put this on our errand list for the weekend and yesterday, we ventured out to replace the neck band.  We went to Sports Authority and found about 20 different styles of bands to secure glasses. There were leather, corded and fabric.  He said that he wanted fabric again and there were three color choices:  bright blue, money green and black.  He chose black and we were on our way.  We put the holder in his pocket to put on his sunglasses later and we were off.  I didn't think of it anymore until preparing for church this morning.

As we traveled to breakfast, I noticed Gary had two pair of glasses hanging around his neck. He had opened the new neck band and put it on his close up glasses and still had the old neck band on his sunglasses.  I told him to take off the sunglasses and leave them in the car for the day since it was cloudy and he would not need them.  He laid the old neck band/glasses down and noticed the tattered part and said that he needs to buy a new neck band.  I pointed out that we had purchased a new one yesterday and he was wearing it.  He took off his glasses and said, "I don't like black, I want tan."  He said this simple request with the intonation and brattiness of a five year old. 

I mentioned that we had bought the black one because it was the best color they had and that if he didn't like the black, he should not have bought them.  He seemed to agree.  About three minutes later, it was quiet in the car as I was trying to lower my agitation with his childish attifude.  He again mentioned that the glass holder was frayed and that he really wanted a new one.  We went back through the whole story, only this time a little louder. He again said that he really did not like the black and demanded that we go back to the store and buy tan.  I again explained the whole situation.  At this point, I was angry.  Angry with his lack of memory.  Angry with his neediness.  Angry with his attitude. 

We went through this two more times before we reached McDonalds. Literally, he used the exact same language and did not realize we had already discussed. I fumed for a while and spent some introspective time while I cooled off.  I told him that I promised we would find a new glass holder as soon as we could find one. I understand that it is important to him that his neck band match his clothes most of the time and that he wears tan and neutral colors a great deal of the time. 

We went to church. 

It is such a hard thing to be so upset and be in church.  I hate that I lose patience and get angry.  I guess I am still hoping for the old days when memory loss was not an issue.  I only had to take care of me on a daily basis and support him as his wife.  Now, I am just responsible.  He still has hours of clarity and functions well.  Other times, not so much. 

We had a special event after church. From 1:00 to 6:20, we sat in a very interactive class called "Walk Through the Old Testament." He checked out about 3:00.  Chances are excellent, he doesn't remember a lot if he even took in the information.  It was a wonderful curriculum but a very long day!

We stopped by the store and bought a chicken for dinner.  I cut greens and prepared them while Gary took out the weekly trash.  I put chicken, greens and garlic bread on plates and then on our TV trays and sat down to watch television.   He immediately complained that the chicken was cold and asked me to heat it up.  I instantly got angry the same level as this morning.  My brain gives me no logical reason why this angered me so badly.  He did not get up from his chair and fully expected me to heat it.  I told him to take his nightly pills that I had put on his tray while I heated up the plate.  He said that he could not reach his drink to take his pills. Please understand that during moments like this, yelling is a common occurence.  

I could not believe that he could not put down his tray since there was no food on it and reach for his drink.  I asked him why he did not put his tray down and he sheepishly said, "I honestly did not think of that."  That was the truth and I instantly lost my anger.

We finished dinner and Gary asked me for the fourth time to assist him with putting together our grandson's car we bought yesterday.  I pointed out for the fourth time, that they are coming to visit on the 5th, not tomorrow.  He is looking forward to her visit.  I will help him finish the car over the weekend.

Tomorrow is Gary's first day using the bus to get home.  Wish him luck and pray for his ability to grasp what he needs to do.  I have faith that he will be fine. 

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