Sunday, June 15, 2014

"You are my wife?"

"Good morning, honey." For some reason I said this to Gary upon awakening.  Normally we don't talk very much until we have coffee.

"Good morning.  Did you sleep well?" 

"Yes, I guess so.  Did you?"  I knew he had slept like a rock since I tossed and turned most of the night and KNEW he was out.

He rolled over and looked me square in the eye and said, "When are we going home?  I really miss my wife." 

He didn't know I was his wife. Since this has occured once before, I did not react with severe emotion or even let on that those words hurt.  I quietly said that I am his wife, Ada and that we are at home and that we have been married for 28 years.

He said, "You are my wife?"  "Yes, I am Ada your wife."

He instantly apologized and said, "Oh, honey, I am so sorry.  This memory loss has me all confused.  You are really my wife?  I thought you were someone else and all this time I have been staying distanced from you." to handle this one?

I reiterated that I was indeed his wife, that we married at Stoney Creek Resort, we have traveled to many places and all the furniture that he sees in the room is ours.  He looked around and agreed that everything was familiar. I also explained that since he was diagnosed that I have had to take on a little different role with him.  Since I am now his caretaker as well as his wife, that he may in fact not like me very much sometimes because I have to tell him things he doesn't want to hear. Could it be that the caregiver that you don't like is the one that you think you are not married to?  He agreed that he likes the wife role better.  (Frankly, so do I!)

He then started saying the following phrases off and on for about 20 minutes:

Oh my, I am so confused.
You are my wife!?  I am so glad.
We really live here?
That is Diva Gerl, our beagle.  Best ole Beagle in the whole wide world, thats our Diva Gerl.  Yah!  Thats our Diva Gerl.  (a rhyme we have sang for years).
Wow, how long have we been married?

I took it calmly and just kept reieterating reality and assuring him that I loved him.  After coffee, he didn't remember the confusion and argued that he had not said those things.

Heather called to wish him Father's Day and he was very excited that she did.  He hasn't seemed to notice that we did not hear from Gary, Jr.  Then again, for so many years he has been disconnected.  Nothing unusual there as he has his own issues.

In church, Gary stood and thanked the Lord for caring for him through his diagnosis and dementia.  He still has the love of Christ in his heart.  I am thankful that he knows the Lord and has not disconnected.

Here is an example of something that happened today that really touched my heart.  Gary and I have gone to the same church for 6 years now and see the same people every Sunday.  He does not know most of their names.  This morning, he got out of the car and encountered Chris.  Chris said, "Good morning Gary.  I am so glad you are here.  I am Chris and we are very good friends.  I am always glad to see you."   Wow, I wish everyone who knows Gary would realize that this type of interaction with him makes it easier.  He doesn't remember and probably won't.  Thank you, Chris for not denying the disease and assisting with making it a little easier.  Gary knows that he doesn't rememer people but it still so polite that he would rather pretend he does than say, "I don't remember you."   Society does such cruel things to us!

After Father's Day lunch at Chilis, we took a long nap and subsequently, I forgot to call and arrange his transportation home from the CLUB tomorrow.  A few expletives flew....I could kick myself as now, I either have to leave him home or let him go and pick him up at 2:30 and have him sit at the College for hours.  The latter is the only choice as it is too disappointing for him to not go to the CLUB.

I sat down to write this blog and Gary was standing over me asking questions about Facebook.  So, I logged him onto his computer and he is now reading my Facebook and asking ten thousand questions about the software, how it works and details about every pages someone has "liked".  Oh my, the patience I am trying to develop is not coming fast enough.

Thanks to all who pray for us.  Gary and I pray together everyday and for the most part, he prays for everyone else.  Rarely does he ask for help with his own situation....I guess he is leaving that to our readers! 


  1. You are a strong and patience woman Ada and I admire you for that. God will take care of you both! Happy Father's Day wishes to Gary!

  2. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

    Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

    Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

    Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

    And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

    Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

    Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

    It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

    And even begging to be with you.

    Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

    Thanks again.