Tuesday, May 24, 2016

We are Still Soul Mates

Since I brought Gary home from the hospital he has acted completely normal for him. The difference has been in me.
It could be said that I have been more patient, tolerant of frustrating behavior and less concerned about bodily fluid accidents. 

Even though the scare was short lived, it made me realize how precious he is to me.  He is still my soul mate.  The soul's heart is intact despite the brain being dysfunctional.
He still has a sense of humor.  For example, this morning when dropping him off at daycare, his normal attendant came out to get him from the car and said his normal "Hey Gary....yeah, yeah, yeah.....lets Rock and Roll." I asked Gary if he knew Luis' name.  Gary looked at him for a few moments and as I whispered "Luis" into Gary's ear, he said boldly "Rumpelstiltsken!"  We all had a laugh and then Gary repeated after me and said "Good morning, Luis." I don't always have a chuckle under my breath when I leave him but I did today.

I have a compact disc in the car of a live concert of "John Denver".  One of the songs is a compilation of "Leaving on a jet plane and Good bye again."  They have always been songs that bring a tear to the eyes but more-so today.  They are songs about leaving someone you love to go and do the work you  do.  John sang it with a lonesome, soulful pain that I can so relate to everyday. Love is a beautiful thing.  It is probably the most beautiful emotion I know.  It feels so good and it hurts so bad.

As Gary and I filter through the daily crap dealt by Dementia, it appears that he still knows me well and remembers little nothings that we have shared over the years.  When he was in the hospital, I told him that I love him,  He grinned and prompted me by saying "how much?"
I answered with our common response, "I love you more than you know from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes and everywhere in between.  Do you know what I mean? "  He mouthed along as I said the words. It was a priceless moment.

So, my message to those reading this is:  if you love someone, live each moment with them as if it is your last.  Whether it is through Dementia, death or something else, it can be gone in the blink of any eye.  And for those who know and love me well, I ask a favor.  On days or moments when the frustration of dealing with the disease gets overwhelming....remind me of my own words written here.  After all, I am human.

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