It is so odd talking to people about him. For example, in the grocery store the other day, a vendor mentioned that she liked my bracelet. I told her it was a bracelet my husband had designed for our 15th wedding anniversary. Of course a conversation started and I shared that he is in Hospice. Her response was "Oh my, honey, I hope he lives another 20 years." Looking horrified I told her that we are hoping for a speedy ending due to the situation. Her next response was "Then, I hope Jesus takes him home soon." I replied, "Me, too."
To some, feelings like these seem horrible. To others who have known someone in this situation, it is normal. I am nearly done grieving. The only thing left in me regarding this whole situation is the Celebration of Life, cremation and starting over again. Like a friend said recently, "You have grieved and now you are not looking forward to having to do it again for others." Exactly.
I will go there tomorrow and wish him a Happy Birthday. I thought last year's birthday would be the last. We were all wrong. I know in my heart that he has no awareness of the day nor the year nor the occasion. For all within the sound of my words, please pray for his birthday and a safe passage to Heaven.
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| This was Gary several years ago sailing past Pac Bell Stadium in San Francisco. |
Following your journey and sending peace to both you and Gary.
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