Monday, June 27, 2016

Preparing for the move to Memory Care

Gary will be moving into "Memory Care" in three days.  So, in order to get ready, I had to do a few things that frankly, were very uncomfortable.

First, on several occasions  I have attempted to tell him that he is going to live at "The Happy Place" where people can take care of him better than I can.  The delivery has to be just perfect in that event that he actually understands.  I certainly don't want the news to be flippant or insensitive.  He still doesn't get it.

On Saturday, I spent the day looking at check lists and packing his belongings.  Every piece of clothing had to be thought out to seek the perfect item.  Pants have to preferably have elastic waist with no draw string.  Shirts have to be hot water friendly and wrinkle proof.  T-shirts have to be soft and not provoke too many questions as to make him uncomfortable if he can't answer. (This is my problem, not his).  Every item had to be individually marked "Gary" or "G" if that is all that fits.  Each sock, shirt, pants, robe, etc was labeled with a permanent marker that hopefully will not wash off after use. 

I folded everything carefully, adding hangars where appropriate and labeling the box.  What did I forget?  I tried to realize that he is only 8 miles away and I am going to visit all the time and can take clothes as necessary. 

I ordered the hamper for dirty clothes, replenished all the personal toiletries....the right shampoo, soap, toothpaste, toothbrush and deodorant.  Labeled everything. 

The picture frames came in today for the special photographs I had reprinted for his wall d├ęcor.  I think they are perfect.  I packed his favorite Bible plaque and added in "The Lord's Prayer".  He still says it every night with prompting so hopefully, he will see it from his bed and maybe take the hint.  I can't believe that after 30 years I will no longer be sleeping with my husband.  I'm not referencing sex....I'm talking about rolling over in the night, touching his shoulder and telling him I love him.  He always responds in kind.  The thought of rolling over one night before I realize he is really away and trying to touch his hand or stroke his brow.....and he won't be there.  My heart breaks.

Meanwhile, I have one of the second most important weeks of our year at the University.  Tomorrow is a critical day in regard to preparing for our Reaffirmation.  I have a caregiver coming at 7 am so I can get to work on time.  He will not go to Adult Day Care tomorrow.  His last day will be Wednesday.  I stopped when I dropped him off this morning and told his social worker that he was transferring to Memory Care.  She got big alligator tears in her eyes and did everything she could not to cry.  She said, "We love having Gary, he is so sweet".  I responded with the same emotion and she looked at me as if she could feel my despair.  I managed not to cry....I had a conference video call a half hour later and could not risk the mascara and puffy eyes.  There will be time for that after Gary is safely tucked into his new home.

This is all so unbelievable to me.  It is unreal to many who haven't read the blog for a while and casually drop in to see how we are doing.  I think Shock is a good word to describe it. 

Tonight, as we sat on the sofa like every other night, he looked at me and said, "I want to lay down."  I moved around the pillows, laid out the bed pad and made him comfortable.  As I type, he is talking and reading the close captioning on our nightly dose of "MASH". 

Then, there is the reality that my husband has a terminal illness that qualifies him for Hospice care.  Really?  Hospice? That means he will die.  We all do......just not so soon.  He may live two months, two years or more?  No one knows what hell we might encounter before he joins his Lord.  I just pray that he is spared pain....I have enough emotional pain for both of us.

1 comment:

  1. My Prayers are with you Ms Ada.

    Love Edward McBride