Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Look Says it All....well, not really.

I started the day with Alexander and Heather (daughter and grandson) at the Aquarium of the Pacific.  We got there before it opened and were finished with all the exhibits by 11:00.  As I walked past the many large aquariums and could not help but think of four years ago when Gary and I went to the aquarium in New Orleans.

For a moment, I was melancholy.  I quickly told myself that I have to move on.....I have to have fun without him.  I did.

After lunch and a nap, I dressed and headed for "The Happy Place"  Luau.  I had taken Gary's tropical shirts yesterday and when I got there, he was dressed and ready to party. 

His FTD has changed his whole personality and he often has a look that crosses between Angry and just plain confused.  But sometimes, it appears that his eyes are dancing but his face does not match.  It is certainly a brain functioning differently than the normal person.

The outer part of the Assisted Living Facility was dressed completely in a Luau setting, complete with roasted pig. Since they had the memory unit decorated also, I decided to stay there and get his dinner.  He ate Fried shrimp, coconut rice and veggies.  I left and got my plate and ate at the table with Gary, Nancy and Marnie.  Everyone seemed upbeat and all were dressed festively!

After eating, we moved Gary out to the courtyard where the Ohana Singers and Dancers were going to perform.  They had saved 8 seats for the folks in Reminiscence and they were great seats.  Gary seemed to understand something different was going on.  One of the angels brought over "hurricanes" and Gary voraciously drank his.

I noticed his eyes in the picture.  The feeling I was getting after knowing Gary for 31 years is that he was content, happy and ready for a concert.  His eyes are intense.  This is the flat look we get now. 

We had a fantastic show with dancers, great music and lots of laughs.  As soon as it was over, we took Gary back to his unit.  They had moved all the residents who had not gone to the show to the window so they could see and hear.  They were all trying to move back to the main room.  It was total chaos.  All but one of the angels was busy with the other residents changing diapers and assisting with toileting.  The angel in the main room took the total chaos and treated the room as  human tetris.  She moved them all, one by one to the sofas and did so with care and speed.  She had the room organized in less than 10 minutes. 

Meanwhile, the Mayor was having a bad evening and was constantly asking when he could go home.  He wasn't sure how he would get a ride to Placentia, CA since the bus had left.  Marion was upset that her nail polish had been moved. Many of the others were upset about something.  This angel simply smiled and got everyone settled.  I parked Gary's wheelchair and assisted by putting in a funny Carole Burnett video. I kissed Gary goodbye and escaped.

As I drove home, the seriousness of my life changes set in as a reality.   I have no mate.  He is lost in a body that has a partially functioning brain.  I am sad.  I am very sad.

I often wonder what Gary is thinking.....I will never know as he can no longer share .....I can only hope that his thoughts are of good times and that he knows he is safe, well fed, entertained and loved.  I do know that he feels love because his eyes smile when I tell him I love him. Today he said quietly, "from the top of my head...."

I hope we both sleep well tonight in our respective beds.

No comments:

Post a Comment