Sunday, March 16, 2014

A day of full emotion....

I spent most of today trying to figure out just how I would write or phrase today's events in "the blog".  It was a day of incredible emotion.  I woke up with an allergy headache and a sore, aching back from normal back pain increased from yesterday's power massage. Needless to say, I was not very tolerant.

Gary had expressed that he wanted to go to breakfast before church and we have very little time.  We stopped by Carl's Jr, as we have a few times before church.  When we walked in, I told him not to "harrass" the girl behind the counter as he jokes with her and I can tell she tolerates him and does not undertand his humor.  There was a different cashier there who responded to his ribbing with a smile.  I took him several minutes to decide what to order and I reminded him that we needed to hurry or we would be late for church.

He decided to use all the change in his pocket toward the bill and started counting the $3.00 worth of PENNIES out in stacks of ten cents.  It took him forever.  The girl was very tolerant, much moreso than I.  I told him to put away the rest of the change and that I would pay for the rest of breakfast.  He insisted that he wanted to get rid of the coins.  She explained that we could take them to the COINSTAR machine at the grocery store and exchange the pennies for dollars.  He insisted that he give the rest of the coins to her as a tip.  Meanwhile, I finished the transaction and she ordered our food and it came while he was still counting out stacks of pennies.  I was started to get very upset and took the food. 

He told the girl that he was leaving the piles for her.  She passified him and he came to eat breakfast.  I was so aggravated. We ate breakfast rather rapidly and went to church.  He told me that I treat him badly and that he gets very irritated with how I treat him.  I told him that I feel the same way and that I'm tired of being angry.  We went into church rather irritated with one another.

While in Bible study class with Bob and Maxine. Gary interrrupted a couple of times either off-topic or regarding finding his lost glasses (missing since Wednesday).  We had found his glasses in the bag in which he carries his Bible and notes. I had not looked there but had looked hundreds of other places. 

Sideline:  understand that losing and finding objects EVERYDAY is starting to get annoying.  My tolerance is waning quickly.

Anyway, while in church, he did an amazing thing for me.  Pastor invited folks who wanted prayer and annointing to come to the front.  Gary went forward and actually asked for prayers for my joy.  I was speechless. So, now guilt sets in....are you catching the range of emotions here?

Then, at least three times during the service, Gary either vocally interrupted the pastor or tried.  I am always so conflicted.  I know that we have a church where praising is loud and involved, but his timing is always bad.  At least, that is my view. I was so fed up and conflicted that immediately following the service, I didn't talk to anyone and just went to the car.  He joined me and berrated me for giving him feedback regarding his interrupting service.  I explained that yes, he comments were accurate but that pastor, as a public speaker, had his agenda and constantly interrupting him is rude.  We both got very angry. 

I told him that I wanted to take him home and just go away for the day.  I needed to escape.  Then, I remembered that I am not with him all week and we have very few, precious hours together and then more guilt set in and I realized that leaving was not an option.

I asked if he wanted to go out for lunch and he said he didn't care where we went.  I drove to the Noodle Company and he asked why I wanted noodles and that he prefers Mexican.  Guess what we had for lunch.  I brought home the leftover Nachos. 

Gary went to the shoe store with me and tried very hard to help me find sandals that would support my plantar fascitis.  I can't even begin to describe that hour.  I managed to find great shoes for the summer season.

We were feeling more mellow so we stopped by the yogurt shop.  After that, I dropped off Gary and went to get my nails done.  Before I left at 3:00, I told him that I would be gone at least two hours and not to expect me before that.  I called him from the car when I realized his house keys were in the car and I knew that he planned on taking Diva for a walk.  He came to the driveway, retrieved the keys and had his glasses on his face. 

An hour into my pedicure, he called and did not leave a message.  A few minutes later, Heather called to say that Gary had called her in Dinuba and that he was confused thinking I was at work and would be stopping by the salon on my way home.  He had also called Kaiser to check with them....not sure what for.  She called me to tell me that he was confused.

I finished and called him on my way home.  He was confused and thought today was Monday and we had gone to church yesterday.  I went home and we spent two hours labeling his closets and drawers with labels and pictures of underwear, shirts, shorts, etc.  Perhaps this will help him stay organized. I also put up additional pictures and labels for the kitchen cabinets.

Did I mention that he lost the glasses he had on his face when I left for the salon?  I have searched the entire house....guess they will turn up.  If not, I will need to buy more.

We argued about which week the trash cycle is or recyle.  I showed him the calendar from the waste company but he still thinks that ALL three trashcans go out every week.

I want to scream.  I love him so much.

He just asked me if I would be happier if we were separated.....I said, "No, Gary, I love you."  Separation is not an option. I have to find a way to cope with these changes.  I pray, loudly and often, for God to give me more patience.

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