Mixed thoughts from today....

I sure anger easily.  Not hatred angry just pissed off and on the edge of screaming.  My tolerance for forgetfulness is as inconsistent as predicting when Gary will know important things and when he won't. 

 

He is still very interested in finding "something to do".  He feels like he should be contributing to our welfare and is highly disturbed that he has no occupation.  It sounds really sweet but what it means is a continuation of the last 7 years of him searching for opportunity and investments on the internet and in real estate.  While some opportunities were real and did not work out, most were a sham or outright fraud.  Rather than pursue legal action on most, I hhave chosen to take investment write-offs instead.  I don't have the energy.

 

When he starts looking at "interesting opportunities" on the net, I have to pacify him and look at them or the rest of the day is just not bearable.  99% of the time, I do a search for him and find all the reasons why what he is looking at is either a scam or far too intense for his brain to handle.  Giving that information to a man in denial is a fun way to spend an afternoon. 

 

I don't know how to convince him that he has value other than earning money for us.  Others have tried....he just won't give up.  I don't want him to give up really, just be comfortable with who he is.  He needs something to occupy his time and brain. 

 

He asked to go to Senior Care again last Wednesday.  However, he got bored this time and seemed really antsy.  The agenda on any given day is not exactly designed for men.  Luckily he is nice and very pleasant.  Everyone loves his energy.

 

If you haven't been around him lately, here a few favorite expressions that I hear many times a day:

• When someone says "how are you today?", the standard response is:  "I am just glad to be here.  Its better than the alternative!"
• When he hears information that he has forgotten or disbelieves, the standard response is: "Oh?" It is pronounced with the tonation that you must be absolutely crazy and I am just pacifying you by listening." 
• Another phrase for something that he has heard many times but has forgotten that really aggravates me is:  "I don't know anything about that...."

Then, there are times when he completely accepts that he has dementia and is as sweet as can be.  Tonight, I spent quite a bit of time exploring personal GPS ssystems and found that the Amber Alert personal device is probably the best of him. I shared the comparison I had done and he was receptive.  One more stop after church tommorow and then we will decide for sure.